QuestionWe have been married for 5 years in about 8 days. We basically have separate lives. we only have time when we are passing each other in the hall way. he plays softball 23/7 and when he is not laying softball he is drinking beer. he is a wonderful father to his own children, but... we are a relationship of his, mine and our children! His children do no wrong. mine are well never accepted and ours well he is done with being a father now, so that leaves me with them all the time no break. he is full of yelling and he has this thing about the children speaking like the military, they are to speak only when spoken to. i thought he was my "soul mate", but now i am not so sure. i bend over backward to make sure our children are safe and love, and his children i am expected to add them to the equation when ever he thinks he wants them around. he has the two most horrible ex wives that a person can have. it is non stop. he never sticks up for me with his children his exwifes... etc, etc, etc.
how can i make our relationship work with all that is involved. i don't wanted to fail again i just want to know why he is so short tempered and unloving???
AnswerHi Mandy~
If he's being short-tempered and unloving, then there is something wrong with him. He's feeling/acting this way for a reason. The question though is why, perhaps only he truly knows why he's doing this. It's not fair to you though that he's taking his anger, etc out on you and the children.
I would strongly urge you to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know exactly how this is making you feel. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Perhaps you can come up with some sort of compromise to work these issues out.
If that doesn't work then you should suggest to him to go to marriage counseling with you. That you don't want to be another ex-wife. But that you simply can't continue to live like this and put up with this behavior from him. It's going to start affecting all the children (if it hasn't already by now). And really something must be done to fix all of this. You can't keep sitting back and acting like nothing's wrong and put up with this crap a minute longer. You now have to decide what it is you want out of this marriage. And if he can't give you want and need, then you'll have to make a decision as to whether it's even worth staying in the marriage for. Something has to be done or it's only going to get that much worse as time goes on (and the children and you continue to suffer).
To answer your first question. You can't make it work if he's unwilling or unable to participate in making things right again in the marriage. He has to want this just as much as you do. And he has to be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. You can't do this all on your own all by yourself. It takes two ppl to make a marriage work. As a marriage is a constant work in progress. Talk to him and see if you can't work on getting these issues resolved somehow. If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
