Questionhi,
ive been with my partner for a little over six years, from i was 15 and him 17.
We had our first baby after just ayear and a half and then had 2 more in as many years.
Four months after i had my fist child he left and said that he wasnt happy and hadnt been for a long time and told me he was starting to see someone else and then that she was pregnant but had lost it. we got back together because i had beeged him! Things were okay for a while but then he started to go out more and not come home and he was generally nasty to me. he lost his license and was charged with numerous driving offences and put in jail for 3 months things were really hard because i was on my own with 3 children under 3 one of then being 2 months old. but he completely changed and was so vulnerable and i felt so heartbroken to see him like that. while he was there i met someone else he started out as just a friend one whom my partner had told to look after me but i ended up sleeping with him which i know was wrong but i was soo alone and he told me all the things i needed to hear, well my partner found out and nothing is the same. we only have sex when hes had drink and is aroused. we don't spend any time together and he always shouts at the kids, but everytime i get the courage to leave he turns himself around for a while and is unbelievably nice to me an the kids. ive met someone else who is much older than me but is so understanding hes a friend but hes so good with my kids and me hes a good support and he has feelings for me but he wouldn't take them any further because he says that i am very vulnerable and also hes going out with my best friend but he has no feelings for her and she is horrible to him wot should i do itd nearly Christmas and i don't want my partner to have no were to go but i cant go on not feeling loved and not being shown any affection or support i also suffer from depression and that really doesn't help especially when my partner thinks I'm just being lazy HELP!!
AnswerHi Lisa~
Be very careful and wary of love on the rebound. What I mean by this is, if you ultimately decide to break up with your partner. Don't go jumping into another relationship right away with this friend. As your friend has already mentioned, being vulnerable after a break up, can be a bad thing for a new relationship.
If your partner can't/won't change, and you feel your ready to move on. Then you should do so. You don't deserve to be treated in a poor and disrespectful manner. You must feel in your heart that you're ready to move on with your life. You should go with your heart and do what's right for you and the children.
It's unhealthy to be in an bad relationship, especially when there are children involved. They will begin to pick up on his behavior when they are older. When they grow up they will either be mentally and emotionally abusive to their partners; or the opposite and be abuse and degraded by partners. And that as a parent is simply unacceptable to put a child through. Our job is to love, nurture and protect them--not to subject them to degradation, disrespect, and an unhealthy environment to live in. So you at the very least owe that to your children (meaning not letting your partner disrespect you, degrade you, etc.). They will see that and mimic it as they grow up. I'm sure you don't want that.
You've already made it on your own as a single mother to them. You can do it again--but be happy instead of sad and depressed all the time. I've always said that I'd much rather be happy and single for the rest of my life, than to be stuck in an unhappy, unloving and unhealthy relationship or marriage.
My point is do what your gut instincts say--which seems to be to get out and cut your loss, and move on with your life. Whether or not it's with this friend, remains to be seen. However, I would insist that he end the relationship with his partner, before you become involved with him at all. And if it does ultimately work out with him, you should take that relationship slow, and one day at a time. No need to rush into anything until you are ready.
If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
