Caring for a 94-Year-Old Parent with Incontinence: Options & Resources

Question
My husband's mother is 94 years old.  She has some medical problems one of which is incontinence.  She is currently living in an independent living apartment where there is a large dining room that serves meals and places for activities she can partake in. She has a home health aide who comes two hours a day to help her with dressing and bathing. She has home health insurance but not enough for 24 hours a day.  She has nursing home insurance which would pay 40% of the current cost of staying in a nursing home. There is an assisted living wing which is too expensive for her to go to.  Even if it were affordable, she does not want to go there.  Last month she fell in her carpeted bedroom and broke her hip.  It was operated on and pinned.  Because of the incontinence she tries not to drink water which has caused her to become dehydrated.  She is supposed to use a walker so that she doesn't fall, but she doesn't either because she forgets or isn't used to it.
Last week she decided to go to dinner with a friend.  She told the aide (since the operation we have increased the aide's hours) to go home.  While at the restaurant, she felt faint and so sick they called 911 and she went to the emergency room.  She has always been and still wants to be a very independent person.

We don't have enough money to help out financially. She has some money but must live and pay her expenses from the interest.

Do you have any advice for us? Is there someone in Maryland we could consult who might be able to help us with what seems like a complicated emotional, health and financial situation.

Answer
Hello Linda.  This is a very tough situation.  If you could imagine having your money taken, your things taken, your car taken, your phone taken, etc. etc. etc. You would have the feel of a nursing home.  Many people are scared to go to a nursing home and I certainly understand why.
You really have a few tough choices here.  She is going to have to move in with someone or someone is going to have to move in with her. (the latter maybe a better idea for everyone's compfort)
If you have a large willing family maybe you could divide the time.
I am not in Maryland or very familar with it but most places have places that help the aging.  You might want to start by calling the Red Cross or your local Salvation Army they would be a place I could suggest that is probably in your area that would know where you should call.