QuestionMe(almost 22) and my boyfriend(26) have been dating for 2 and a half years, 2 months after we started dating i moved 70 miles away for one semester of college. I came back to my previous college and the new love of my life 4 months later, and i have had the best 2 years of my life since. We know that marriage is a defnite and we want to move things along. He graduated college in December and has a wonderful job, and I will be graduating in May. Now would be the perfect time for us to plan an engagement, and ask for my parents blessing-which is very important to both of us. Now, here is my problem: my brother. He is 25, and lives in Maine (we live in Texas) he started dating a girl who's 19 and their relationship is very unstable and has caused a lot of tension between him and my parents and then was only worsened when he came for a visit in January and announced that he wanted to marry her. Him and my parents had (and are still having, although they are no longer convinced on getting engaged within the year) many long, intense conversations on the subject and now my parents, my whole family in fact, are still trying to recover from it all. Now, i am so scared to ask for their blessing. Me and my boyfriend want to ask them together and we want to soon, how do i explain to them that me and "Jeff" really want this to happen for us, and that we are not my brother and his girlfriend, even though i do think they view our relationship in a totally different level. They are close to "Jeff" and really do like him and encourage our relationship. I feel like we have done everything right, and this seems like such a logical step, not to mention i love him with all my heart and he expresses that same love to me...
i need some advice on how to break in the idea of us getting married slowly so that my family wont automatically turn against it like they did with my brother just 2 months ago.
AnswerI think the best way is for you, alone, to tell your parents that you are thinking of becoming engaged after you graduate and have a nice job. As you've said, tell them this is your next logical step. One thing at a time, in their mind you finsihing college is their next step for you, then getting a job. See what they say. Then when you graduate, the two of you can break the news together. You need to be more smooth in your case because your parents will be likely footing most of the bill for you to get married, as opposed to you brother, and their financial situation will come into play. Once you are out of school and have a job, you can help pay for portions of the wedding....but that's a story for another day.
Bill
PS In your brother's case, at age 25, 19 is too much of a spread for him. She is way too immature at 19 to know what she is doing. When he is 30 or 32 and she is 24 or 26, she'll be more worldly, and a more viable partner. Is she's still in the picture...
