QuestionI am a 43 year old single parent of 6 & 9 year old children. I have residential custody. Because of a court order I have to deal with their father every day of the week. 8 months ago I had emergency brain surgery to remove a brain tumor. The father tried to get back together with me when I had the surgery, I didn't allow this to happen because he has always been an extremely emotionally abusive individual. Because I won't go back to him, he is continually verbally attacking me. He accuses me of doing things that I never did ( they mostly involve sleeping with other men). The kind of "proof" that he uses are things like, I looked at the man at the counter giving me my change back in a store for longer than I should have. He refuses to listen to anything that I have to say; if he feels it happened, than it did. The pressure being put on me is unbelievable because he also will go back 8 - 10 years & bring up things that he thinks I did that long ago and repeatedly throws things in my face. He won't put closure to anything, not ever. The stress that this is causing me is unbelievable. I am trying really hard to get back on my feet& recover from the brain surgery but I feel that he is making it harder because every day he is just at me, at me, at me. I can't even get away from him because of the court order because of the kids. I feel as though he used the kids as a way to get to me. I have tried to ignore him hoping the behavior will stop, but it doesn't, he then thinks because I am not engaging him that this is now "proof" that I did what ever because I am not trying to defend myself. I have suggested counseling, but he doesn't believe in "quacks". I have gone for full custody but I never get it because he acts like a saint in the court room so they don't understand what is happening. Our kids are being destroyed because he questions them about who came over, who called, where did we go. Then he attacks me with what ever information that they give him. He tells the kids that I'm not really sick, I'm just lazy and don't want to work ( I still have my job, but have been out on medical leave because of the surgery ) He tells them that I am "whacked" & the doctors tried to "fix my brain to make my psychological problems go away", so he needs to know everything that we do in case I am still sick so they won't get hurt. I am the one who is the home owner; he lives at home with mommy & daddy still, I am the one who makes the money, he gets paid barely $2.00 above minimum wage. So not only do I want to get back on my feet, I have to for the kids sake. I am in therapy, the kids are in a victims program. Its like everyone knows what he is doing to us except the entities who need to know such as the police & the court system. I have learned the hard way that he knows exactly what he is doing and he knows which lines not to cross so that he gets away with it. As long as he doesn't come right out and punch me, the police & courts won't do anything. I (we, the children also) don't want to live like this any more. And I am not sure how much more of this my health can take either. So what do I do? What do I do to save my children & myself?
AnswerHello Laurie,
Contact your attorney.Inform him of all this.Ask for supervised meetings with the children for him, because of the verbal abuse.
Also,don't visit with him.If you can have a different place that he can see the children,have him go there.For example,one of your relatives houses or a friend.
Get counseling now for you and the children.Even if it is with a minister,it will help you and your children to get through this.
If you are already going thru this type of therapy,then inform your attorney.If they can't set up supervised visits at another place,reduce the visits.You should not have to go thru this at all!!
Your attorney should be trying to help you.If he/she isn't,then get a new one.I can't believe that they are letting this go on.
Inform your doctor also of what he is doing to you and your children.If they are concerned about your health,they can also help to put a stop to this.
I am sorry that you are going through this.I hope you can get help in dealing with him and soon.
Rita
