QuestionI'll try to keep this short. I met Brian when I was 17. I was a little obsessive as a teen and eventually when I was ready to move on, he proposed. I am now 32 we have two beautiful children and planned this family. I am a stay at home mom. Brian and I are ying and yang. Yet our love and passion for each other is as much, if not more than 15 years ago..we are having major issues. He is a very hard working man. A union ironworker. His father is very well to do, and it has actually led Brian to have to work even harder than his co-workers. (Dad owns the company). I'll just get to get to the point. He honestly shows no interest in our home. Maintenance, taking care of vehicles..or really spending time..quiet, quality time with us. He has a serious issue with television. When watching which is every opportunity possible. He is completely engrossed. Though he has seen the flick 20 times. This is every day. I try to ignore it, but if I am tending to kids, throwing in laundry and then dinner gets burnt I get very ticked off. I have tried being sweet, being subtle.. every angle there is. He can go to hockey games and golf whenever he has time. I have always encouraged him to be the free spirit I love. But this is real life. We just celebrated ten years. So this, all of this has become a learned behavior. The routine the discussion and the arguing. He know how I feel. He is a full grown man though and I don't think the 'reward system' or giving him an allowance or leisure time exchange will work. He deserves to relax and put his feet up after a hard day. Not completely comatose except to eat and give a generic 'how was your day'. Our eight year old gets the blunt of it. He adores dad, and is ignored. He loves me, but know I am always tense. Real advice, please. Something applicable that I can execute. I am at wits end. This is not the first time I have been at this place in our marriage. Much like you siblings friends and family have been married divorced, and remarried. I believed this to be forever, but need a solution. I am 32, I hate to start over in another 10 years. If this doesn't change the new year will bring me and the kids a new life altogether. Thanks.
AnswerWell here are my thoughts and by being married 10 years you have to take a little pride, nowadays about 50% don't make it that long. Being around dad as he is, he is seeing and having both successfullness for working hard and adopting the olden day scenario that the man goes to work and brings home the money and the woman runs the house, bred in. And as far as he is concerned that's enough family involvement for him. Now to change that you have to be tactful and apply the old adage gentle pressure relentlessly applied. The reward thing can work "honey if you help me with this then we can do that." Find a way to work it in and once you make baby steps then get into the bigger items. As far as making time for your son, find a way, tactfully, "you know dear, Stevie would really like to play catch with you when you finish supper." Maybe he never thought of it. Try being a June Cleaver (leave it to Beaver type mom.). In a nice way, gently push him in the direction you want him to go. Being confrontational or "ticked off" will just label you as bitchy. Should you have to do these things, no, but women that want what you have, have to go the extra mile to keep it, as you say, you really don't want to start over, so make the best of what you have. Some day he might even take over the company when dad retires, so laying inroads into his spare time is essential at this point.
Bill
