Navigating Weekend Getaways After 14 Years of Marriage

Question
This is a difficult issue.  First my husband and I have fought about going out too much over the years.  It made us have lots of problems.  He did like friends and being out before, but I thought it would change once we married and had kids.  I assumed, but he thought I was cool with it.  Now what he does after 14 years of marriage, two kids who adore him, is instead of going out during the week, he goes away for weekends about once a month.  I complain, but it does no good.  I am unhappy, because I feel this is a bad example for the children to see their dad doing this.  I also don't know if he is faithful.  Recently, he says that he goes, because there is a medical treatment he can get free, and we have no insurance.  I am very distraught.  I can reach him by his cellphone about 20 percent of the time.

Answer
Hi Dee~

This is a huge issue for you to deal with.  You need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart talk with him.  He needs to know exactly how you feel about this.  And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage.  If he can't give you what you want, need, desire, deserve and expect in this marriage, the perhaps you don't need to be with him anymore.  And then you should move on with your life w/o him in it.  It's never good to be in an unhappy, unhealthy and unfulfilling marriage.  It's not good for you or the children.  Why is it so difficult for him to be respectful of your requests?!  Why do you continue to put up with this nonsense from him?  Only you can answer those questions.  You shouldn't stay with him and feel you have to settle for this treatment.  Or for the convenience of the marriage and what he does provide for you and the children.  What sort of image is that passing on to the children, that it's okay to put up with this in a marriage (well, it's not by any means).

And on top of all this you said you don't know if he's even being faithful to you.  What kind of marriage is this to be in?  I'll tell you an unhealthy one.  You deserve to be treated way better than he's currently capable of giving you at this point (based on his actions).  You have two choices here A) You stay with him and continue to put up with this nonsense and be treated this way.  Or B) You tell him that he'd better start taking the marriage and you seriously or you're going to end up leaving him b/c he's pushing you away doing what he's doing.  And you can't take this anymore b/c it's taking too much of a toll on you and the children.  Besides you haven't been happy in quite some time now.  The decision lies solely with you and it's your choice to make.  If you ever want to be happy he has to either change or you'll have to leave him.  It all starts with you.