QuestionDear Samantha
I am a 43 year old mother of two, been married to my husband for over 20 years now.
It's not my relationship I'm writing in about, but an issue regarding my 16-year-old son.
Recently he's started to wear bikinis, buying them from charity shops etc. and announced to us he wants to wear them in public on our annual holiday (even in this economic climate we're still having a holiday - but at a local beach resort, not a holiday with flight. Petrol's certainly cheaper than booking a foreign holiday, even if it is, by and large, expensive). At least he's not wearing his sister's ones. [his sister's 25, and works for the local radio station as a producer/researcher.]
He has told us it doesn't mean he's gay or a transvestite/crossdresser, it's just his way of expressing himself.
Whilst we might disagree with it, we've taken the stance "It's acceptable within your own home, in private", and his sister's tolerant of it, she's a very tolerant person, and even helps him choose bikinis. (she even bought herself some off malibustrings.com, and some for him off the same site - you might want to see it for yourself, it's SFW to a degree).
However, we're worried about his suggestion to us - he said he wants to wear them in public. We're concerned about the reaction he may get at the swimming pool if he did decide to wear it.
Unfortunately me and my husband can't really handle this issue properly, since it's a new one on us, so where do we go from here?
Julie
(logged in from public terminal with VPN connection - on the move due to work)
AnswerHi Julie~
I agree with you that you have to set some ground rules for him. And after all he is only 16 and still a minor. You should just stand your ground and tell him that he isn't allowed to wear them on holiday and that you can't support him wanting to wear a bikini, it's not appropriate in a public place, that will draw him unwanted and unnecessary attention. I don't mean this in a good way either. If he puts himself out there, there could be a reaction that he's not prepared to face and respond to. So he could just be asking for trouble if he does this. I'd just inform him that he's a minor and while he's living in my home and going places with me, that I can't and will not support him wearing a bikini in public, period. If when he turns of legal age (be that 17 or 18 in the UK) and he still wants to wear it in public then that's his personal choice and certainly his own prerogative to do so. But not on your watch and when he's out and about in public with you as a family, you can't tolerate that, or it'll just encourage him to continue doing this. When he's old enough to make his own decisions that on him and he can do as he likes. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.
