Questionmike and I have been living together for 6 years a seperations hear and there for a few days.we just moved to md from nj.were here 4 months im a cna in the medical feild cant find a job,stress,my boyfriend says take anything for now,i have some savings so i dont have to but he resents me at home while he working a job he hates.his beliefs are strong and believess get up go to work thats it.mind you I have fibromyalgia the pits and im giong through menopause im 50 so enthusiasium is low at best.I have no health ins and he says well get a jobthe cna hours here are 12 hour shifts to much for me.on top of that i contribute to some expenses but mike realy rather i didnt.yet he complains about the bills.marraige is not on his agenda since his first was a disaster and she wiped him out.so he feels what little he does have needs to be protected.mike realy is a nice guy we just see things a little different.he doesnt believe in unimployment,to much time at home.i once recieved help with getting my meds from a paid perscription plan.he was upset,thats charity he says.what kind of future do we have ,or do I have for that matter.we dolove each other,we argued this morning about me looking for work and his spending habits if money is such an issue.he loves old cars and he buys restore and resells,makes some money and starts again .fine but not 2 or 3 at a time,if money is an issue for him.we are alone here no family their all back in nj .so its just us.help. linda ill be waiting
AnswerHi Linda~
Why is he constantly on your case about every little thing?! His behavior is really unnecessary and very unfair to you! I'm not judging him as a person at all, rather his actions that are rude, inappropriate and unacceptable, period. He says one thing and does another, not to mention that he's contradicting what he says to you all the time. Go find a job, don't accept help from unemployment, you don't need help with your med, and if you do your a charity case. What kind of irrational nonsense is that?! If your job field is hard to find a job in right now, then there's not much you can do but to keep searching for a job somewhere in that medical field. And surely there's something that will become available sooner or later. I know that being w/o a job can be very stressful in more ways than one, but he's taking all of this out on you and then when you do try and do something about he tells you not to do that too. What kind of sense does that make? Not very much sense if I'm being perfectly honest here. You make some very valid and good points here, but unfortunately he's not willing to hear you out on them and really listen to your thoughts, feelings and opinions on them. He'd rather complain about everything and be negative about things. That really is no way to be with someone you're supposed to love, care for and take care of.
I can understand his stress levels but that doesn't mean he has a right to take his frustrations and negativity out on you all the time. You've got a lot on your plate right now and you're trying to learn how to cope and deal with all that's dumped in your lap right now. I think any person in your current situation would be feeling upset, anxious, frustrated and just all around not really knowing what to do, and rightfully so!
You need to try and sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know exactly how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this relationship from him. You have to be ready, willing and prepared to do something about all this if he refuses to change his behaviors and ways. You have to say what you mean and mean what you say. If you don't then he's never going to take you seriously and he's only going to keep doing this b/c he knows you'll keep tolerating it and allowing him to do you this way. Something has to give somewhere along the way or you're only going to continue to be miserable and unhappy. If that means you have to separate and leave him once and for all and move on with your life w/o him in it, then so be it. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.
