QuestionIam considering abortion and i am rolling into my 21st week of pregnancy. I am very nervous under those circumstances and I am in a tough situation at home with family and with my boyfriend, I need some advice. I'm not sure I can decide alone. I'm afraid to die. I dont know where to go or who to talk to. Does every surgical procedure of abortion result in severe complications. Im afraid that because I'm in my second trimester it's very risky and I shouldn't do it. What are some things I should be aware of going forward with this procedure, health wise ?
AnswerHi, Carolyn,
You have asked about the repercussions of having an abortion, so I will level with you. It won't be easy to talk about it. But please bear with me, because from talking to women who have had abortions, I know that this is information most of them wish they had had, so I will be as straight with you as I can. Some people who do abortions will try to tell you that I am exaggerating. The problem is, they don't follow up, and they don't know. If a woman expresses relief afterward, which is common, they never see how she is doing later, so they assume she is OK.
Abortion is always dangerous, but even more so in the second trimester. It doesn't really sound like you want one, but you feel you have no choice. The problem is that complications are no respecter of persons. No matter how sure you are that this is what you want to do or should do, it could be bad. I suspect you are already well aware of your baby. Your baby is already completely developed and even has fingerprints. Your baby needs your protection.
Abortion is purely elective unless you have some kind of health problem. This means there is no medical benefit to balance the risk. That is something most people forget. Obviously, any surgery has its risks, but usually, there is a medical condition that is less risky if it is treated than if it is left alone.
Please investigate as much as you can before deciding.
As far as I know, there are two major ways abortions are done in the second trimester, at least in the United States. Partial-birth abortion has been made illegal. Either they will find a way to kill the baby and then you have to go through labor, or they will cut up the baby. I'm sorry to be so graphic, but you'll find this out eventually anyway, and it is better to know before you make a decision, while you still have a choice. The other problem is that any emotional repercussions will be aggravated because of how far along you are.
I have a friend who had a second trimester abortion. She was absolutely sure she wanted one. She wasn't the least bit ambivalent about it. But she was suicidal twice afterward that I know about, and the first time, another friend and I stayed up all night talking to her through internet messages to keep her from doing it. I was never so scared in all my life! Several years later, she told me that a friend at work was considering abortion. She said, "PLEASE talk her out of it. My abortion ruined my life!" Life has never been easy for her, and the abortion didn't change anything, so she is still struggling.
The problem with either method is that your body isn't ready to give birth, and it can damage your body for that reason. And it is now known that the emotional repercussions can be severe, and that a woman is several times more likely to die a violent death after abortion, than after carrying to term, and I'm not talking about complications from the abortion itself here.
Have you thought about choosing adoption? It is much better for you.
Before you decide, you should also see an ultrasound, preferably a 4D ultrasound, if you can. Again, this is something you will learn eventually anyway.
Also, it sounds like there is a fair amount of coercion going on. That's a bad sign. This doesn't seem to be something you really want.
Now all of that said, I will be happy to talk to you about your circumstances, to see if you can improve your situation somehow. Also, you can get help from agencies that provide counseling and other services, to help you to have the resources to have your baby. They will provide counseling on how to handle your boyfriend and family. I will tell you right now, that most likely the pressure will ease considerably if you take a firm stance with them, that you have decided NOT to have an abortion, and it's not open to discussion. If they persist, leave the room or hang up. Don't argue with them. Most of the time, family will come around, and often boyfriends do, too. There is no guarantee, of course. Most of the time, families dote on the new family member. And I've been there and done that, too. We have a grandson who was born under adverse circumstances. We love him dearly, though there was never any question in my mind that such a grandchild would be welcome. But our son must not have been very comfortable about it, because he didn't tell us about our grandson until he was 17 months old. They're not married, but both are taking care of him and doing an excellent job. It was just a fling, so there are some things to work out. But our family has completely accepted both the mother and the baby. And we have other grandchildren, and I see no difference. We love them all. I realize that you aren't as fortunate as our son, but I will tell you that most of the time, family DOES come around.
These agencies will also help provide medical care, and supplies for the baby. You can see an ultrasound in most of these places. They can help you financially in other ways, too, by pointing you to resources that will enable you to do this on your own. You can find an agency near you by going here:
http://www.pregnancycenters.org/
You can also talk to them by phone or get online counseling.
Once you truly know what your options are, you can make a better choice. People often present abortion as an easy and quick fix. It's not. No matter what you choose, it won't be easy. You will never forget you had one.
Good luck with this, and please let me know how things turn out. I'll be here for you regardless of what you do, though I won't help you hurt yourself. Stay safe!
I'll be praying for you both.
