QuestionHi There,
My Name is cassie. I Just turned 16 on march 19th, it was only about a month before that,that i lost my virginity. I didnt have much of a choice in the matter, my boyfriend forced me into it! I havent told anyone about this,well except you, and i dont plan on telling anyone, but i have skipped a period and have been suffering nausea! I Think i may be pregnant i bought a pregnancy test but it did not work correctly. I have no money to buy a new one but im positive im pregnant. if my parents find out they will kill me, is there any way to find out if im pregnant and get rid of it without them finding out ?!
If they new the circumstances of me becoming pregnant they would want the police involved but i do not want that because i am scared of what my boyfriend will do to me if he finds out about the police. Please help me i am soo scared i cannot eat or sleep because of this, i have tried other sites for advice but none of them replied, you are my last resort.. please answer my question ?
AnswerCassie,
First of all, I am so sorry that nobody else would help you. Your situation is a difficult one, but not impossible. And my heart bleeds for what has happened to you.
If you try to have an abortion, it may not prevent your parents from finding out about it. What if you have a complication? Some parents find out about their daughter's abortion when she has died, or is dying. You cannot use this to guarantee they won't go to the police, because it might not work. Abortion is dangerous, and most women suffer some kind of permanent damage. It can range from becoming unable to have children, to having trouble carrying a child to term in the future (which could cause cerebral palsy in the baby), having permanent disability, and developing breast cancer when a woman is in her 40's. Not only that, but you may well have problems with your emotions afterward. They now know that a woman is several times more likely to die a violent death in the year following abortion, than if she carried to term. Most women who have been raped feel that an abortion is another invasion. A woman is innocent of having caused herself to be raped. But she's not innocent if she chooses abortion, and it is also a violent act against her child. Most women who have been raped don't even have an abortion. I have three friends who became pregnant from rape. One of them had an abortion so her parents wouldn't find out. It changed her personality, and she has been in and out of mental hospitals for years. Her parents have no idea what is wrong. She even has a failed marriage from a man who stayed by her side during many of her troubles, because she wouldn't control her behavior and kept acting out violently. The other two carried their children to term and raised them. Both are doing very well. One of them was gang raped as she was on a walk in the neighborhood. She hid her pregnancy from her parents until she was seven months along, and they helped her raise her child until she was an adult, and she is now happily married. The other one is a dear friend of mine, and she has eight children, but she is closest to the one who was conceived in rape. There is definitely the possibility of a good outcome for your situation, and I will be praying for you. My heart breaks for you, and I will be here any time you need to talk.
Another consideration is that if you can't even afford another pregnancy test, you can't afford an abortion, either.
I recommend you go to a crisis pregnancy agency. They will not betray you to anyone. They will also test you for pregnancy again. They will understand your need for safety from your boyfriend. They will also help you when you need to tell your parents.
Your boyfriend SHOULD be dealt with by the police. He had no right to do that to you. The problem is, you're afraid of him, and what he will do to you. (Obviously, if nothing is done, he'll just do that again to someone else.) But you should not have to put yourself at risk for violence for this to happen.
Try not to panic. People don't make good decisions when they panic. I know this is a really tall order. This is why you need someone who can talk to you face to face, and put her arms around you and give you a hug, and be with you until you are able to calm down and think rationally about what you should do.
You can find a crisis pregnancy agency in your area by going here: http://www.pregnancycenters.org/ You can also talk to them by phone, or by email. They will support you no matter what. They won't help you hurt yourself or your baby, but they will help you with any issues you have to face.
I will be praying for you, as I said, and I wish I could come and give you a hug myself, but that won't be possible.
Obviously, I have to sleep and do other things, but when I am awake and check my email, I will always respond promptly.
I love you both.
