QuestionGreeting.
First of all, english is not my first language so I'll try my best. I am 25 yrs old, and about 5 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I arent very stable, in fact, in the last 3 months only had sex, that one time. So I am in shock. He doessn't want to have it, he already has 2 kids. Financially he can't help me. I work part time, and a full time law student. My parents don;t like my bf. I don't know what to do, I've been considering abortion, but i am not sure if i really want that, if I could really handle thinking about that all my life. I've always been pro choice. Untill whe do i have to decide?? I dont know what to do...I feel I am not ready, And know that I would be alone doing this. Thank You
AnswerHi, Vicky,
I know what a difference it makes when you are facing the question yourself, so I don't find it strange that this is causing you to wonder about all this. Just having to think about it can cause a lot of turmoil.
I will avoid slang and idioms in this message. You have excellent English.
You are no longer alone. I am here for you, and I know about resources.
It sounds like you have an excellent future. The thing you need to be concerned about is what having an abortion will do to your desire to achieve. It often hurts a woman so drastically emotionally that she loses interest.
Going to law school is obviously not trivial. It's a lot of work. I studied the law on my own, so I know a little about it, and I have been able to defend myself in court. There are certain principles I observe that are helpful. But I'll get into that another time if you are interested in discussing it.
Let me know what city you are near. I may be able to find a place where you can get some help so that you can make it through school.
I will also tell you that I completed my degree after I had four children, three of them preschoolers. So I know it can be done.
The other problem is that abortion is dangerous. They tell you otherwise, but I know too many women who got hurt medically. I also may know two women who committed suicide, but I haven't heard from either (obviously) and probably won't hear from their survivors. And one other woman I worked with was suicidal several times afterwards. She and I have remained in touch, and she told me, "My abortion ruined my life!" She was someone who never wanted children, and she was absolutely certain she wanted an abortion. The first time she became suicidal, another woman and I stayed up all night sending her messages to keep her from doing it. I was never so scared in all my life! Suicide is much more common after abortion. Also, a woman is 3 1/2 times as likely to die a violent death in the year following abortion as in the year following birth. The heightened risk of a violent death lasts for about eight years. And abortion itself can kill you. I get messages here regularly from women who suffered complications. It can do serious damage to your reproductive system so that you will be unable to carry a baby to term in the future. Extreme prematurity is a leading cause of cerebral palsy and other mental disabilities. And it can cause a woman to get breast cancer when she's in her 40's. If she has a family history of breast cancer, it's a virtual certainty. 1/4 of women die from this form of breast cancer. And abortion often causes women to turn to drink, drugs, or promiscuity. And there can be an immediate complication (such as hemorrhage or pelvic inflammatory disease) which will prevent a woman from ever having a child. And a woman can even get HIV from an abortion. Abortionists often don't sterilize their instruments properly, and reuse disposable instruments. I know of one abortionist with HIV who is operating with the permission of a feminist abortion facility!
Don't worry about the father. You deserve someone better. You deserve someone who will cherish you both. He already has a family, so you will not be able to rely on him, no matter what you do, even if you have an abortion. He may change his mind and want to act like a father, but don't expect it. You already know that.
If you are not absolutely certain you want an abortion, don't have one. It's too risky. And as I have mentioned, even a woman who is completely certain can become suicidal afterwards.
Please let me know what happens, and feel free to ask questions.
