QuestionHi Pat. I am 7 weeks pregnant, with a person whom I love and have already
planned to marry, however, we were not planning on having children at this
time. We are not living in the same city, do not have a proper stable home
together, etc. I am considering intending to cause a miscarriage, using herbs
and the uterine reflex point on the ankle. I know the power of my thoughts
and believe I could communicate with the baby that now is not the right time.
There is part of me that still wants to have the child, as complicated as it
might be. I know my window of opportunity to make a decision is becoming
smaller. I am curious if you know of any women who have used the "natural
abortion" (www.naturalmiscarriage.org) approach, using herbs like black and
blue cohosh, vitamin C, etc. Also, as I said, I really do want children later in
my life, and I am concerned about the potential impact upon my fertility. I
have charted my menstrual cycle and fertility for years, and became pregnant
7 days past when it should have been possible (which surprised me!). My Dr.
was surprised too- I know the date of conception because my partner and I
don't see each other very often, usually about once a month. Anyway, I am
trying to seek guidance, because I know the affect my choices could
potentially have on my body... and I know every woman is different. It is just
important for me to be able to have children. On top of it all, I have fear that
my negative thoughts have been affecting the growing baby, and it might not
be healthy. I know I am not in the greatest health right now, and my liver has
been somewhat toxic. (However, I do not drink or smoke, I exercise, and I am
at a healthy weight). I have morning sickness constantly, and it is very
difficult to lead my life, work, or do anything else. I feel like sleeping
constantly. Is this even normal? Thank you for your insight.
With gratitude and appreciation.
AnswerHi, Beth,
(Added a note toward the bottom, in case you have already seen this)
It is such a pleasure to talk to someone who doesn't want to hurt her body for a change, and to treat it only naturally!
As they say, the best laid plans of mice and men...
I am familiar with the treatments you mentioned. I can tell you that I know a couple of people who went the herbal route, and got very sick. Even if it works as planned, there is still the fact that your hormone levels were normal, and the disruption of that at this stage will leave you susceptible to breast cancer. Studies show that if it's a first pregnancy and there is a history of breast cancer in the family, it's a certainty. It tends to strike in a woman's 40's, or even earlier, and it's a virulent kind that kills 1/4 of its victims. Any time you disrupt the natural hormone balance of your body, no matter how you do it, it's asking for trouble. And I do consider it irresponsible for any web site to make this type of information available. While they warn you not to use black cohosh during pregnancy, it's not clear to me this is a guarantee that it will cause miscarriage. I have been working on a book on the herbology of the Sonoran Desert, which already has about 900 pages, and I tell people to avoid these herbs, because a woman should never take a chance by disrupting the natural function of her body.
I also did stimulate the uterine reflex on my ankle once. I wasn't intending to cause miscarriage; I just was experiencing the early signs of pregnancy, and didn't realize it (the only time that happened to me; usually I knew right away what I was experiencing). The whole experience was rather bizarre, and quite traumatic at times. Here's what happened. I got pregnant in July. I used the acupuncture point as soon as the symptoms appeared (which would have been in the first few days). It's a pulling in the uterus that seems to be very characteristic. At the end of September, I hemorrhaged, and it scared the heck out of me. I went to the emergency room, and by the time I got there, it had calmed down somewhat. They wanted to keep me overnight, and I agreed. The next day, a man I didn't know came in and examined me and told me, you have had a miscarriage, but there is something left in your uterus, and I need to operate. He didn't mention abortion. But I asked him what his stand was, and he gave me a wishy-washy answer. I was scared to death, but I told him I didn't think I wanted him to do it. He got very angry, and said, That's your privilege, and left, slamming the door behind him! Later, I learned he was an abortionist. So far, not too serious repercussions. After that, a nurse came in and got a sample for a pregnancy test. I asked why, and she said they want to know if you are still pregnant or not. I said, how soon will the results come back? She said in a couple of hours. Mind you, I wasn't even aware I was pregnant at that point. Well, I didn't get the results until two days later, and I found out I was still pregnant. That's when the nightmares started, horrible nightmares. I dreamed things like I was being chased through the dark rainy streets of the city by a man with a huge knife, and I was very pregnant. Another time, I dreamed I was climbing an interminable flight of stairs, and a gang of men was trying to rape me. I was very pregnant. I would wake up in a cold sweat each time. This lasted for months. When I was 4 months along, I conceived a second time, and looking back, I am aware I had fertile mucus. This is not unheard of. I knew a woman who had a twin sister who had been conceived two months before she was, and both were well, and middle aged. A couple of weeks later, I felt very strong movement, and then nothing at all. Looking back, I think the first baby died at that point, and those were convulsions. But the new baby sustained the pregnancy, and I didn't have any more bleeding. He was born a year after I first got pregnant, and he is so healthy he has a fourth degree black belt in taekwondo, and a wife and two children. And by the way, this information was verified by my midwife, who is one of the most skilled and experienced midwives in the world (who, among other things, attended royalty in England). It also became part of my medical record. My point in relating all this is that using this reflex, in my personal opinion, can lead to highly unpredictable results, and maybe not what you had in mind!
One other thing happened during that time that is worth telling. When I was trying to figure out what was going on, I went to an MD who specialized in hypnosis. He hypnotized me, and I don't remember what we learned from that, but I do remember being completely aware during the whole thing. After that, I asked him if a miscarriage could be stopped by hypnosis, and he said yes, but it would have emotional repercussions for the mother. I then asked him if a miscarriage could be caused by hypnosis, and again he said yes, but again, it would have emotional repercussions for the mother. The conclusion to all this was that if a woman is pregnant, doesn't want to be, and does NOT miscarry spontaneously, she NEEDS emotionally to BE pregnant, and disturbing that will cause repercussions.
I should also explain some things regarding bonding with your baby. Bonding actually occurs in the first few days. As the zygote moves down the Fallopian tube, every time he or she touches the tube, hormonal messages are exchanged. This is what stops a woman's menstrual period. After implantation, the embryo sends stem cells into the mother's blood stream. These move all over her body and stay there. Some go to the brain and stay there, and others go to the breasts, where they help prevent breast cancer. The result is that even though the mother is usually not aware of this bonding, it's very real. It is probably a major reason why women suffer emotional repercussions from having an abortion. And by the way, the woman I knew who did an herbal abortion was just as regretful as if she had done it another way. She eventually turned against abortion. She took a lot of flak for this, but her position was firm and very articulate.
Let me talk for a minute about your emotional interactions with your baby. You said you want to explain to your baby that now is not the right time. My take on that is that this is most likely based on a belief in reincarnation. However, there is no evidence that reincarnation ever happens, because it's all anecdotal, and the information that people "recall" could just as easily come from someplace else. You don't know that your baby would ever get another chance at life. I firmly believe in freedom of religion, but I also don't believe we should impose our religion on anyone else, including our children. Also, while you may be able to tell your baby that now is not the right time, your baby won't be able to tell you that he or she wants to live anyway, and will take whatever chances come. While you are consciously settled on not wanting to be pregnant, unconsciously, if you truly didn't want to be pregnant, you would already have miscarried. So if you have to intervene, you will be going against what you need deep down inside. This will have emotional repercussions. You may escape medical harm (but using an herb to cause harm can also be detrimental), but that doesn't mean you will escape emotional harm. You also talk about being concerned that your state of mind will already have harmed your baby. First of all, this frame of mind you are in is not all that uncommon. It's partly hormonal. Lots of women don't want to be pregnant during the first trimester, and this can be a severe attitude. But it changes, usually early in the second trimester. I can tell you from personal experience I've been through that. I desperately didn't want to be pregnant with my youngest child. But by the time he was born, I wanted him very much. He has proved to be a real blessing, and I am so glad I had him! Not only did he delight me for hours with his wonderful classical guitar playing, but he was also the only person who could take care of my mother-in-law in her final year of life. We owed her bigtime, aside from the fact we loved her dearly. She had literally given us the shirt off her back because of our severe financial problems. Her greatest desire was to stay in her apartment. Our youngest son living with her made this possible. The result is that she had a wonderful year, with almost no suffering, and left this world in perfect peace, and each of us likewise are at peace. After that, our son served his country, and spent two tours in Iraq. I can't tell you how proud I am of him. And he has a son of his own. I have observed no signs whatsoever that my not wanting him at first caused any damage at all!
What I am saying here is that you shouldn't worry about having harmed your baby. We live in an imperfect world, and in my experience, a child who has never experienced adversity also has no fortitude when adversity does happen, as it inevitably will. It is highly detrimental to a child to grow up in the perfect situation. We are a perverse species, and we thrive best with moderate challenges. Your attitude toward your baby IS under your control. While you cannot control your emotions, you can will to refuse to let them rule your life. What is important is not your emotions, but your decisions and your actions.
Most likely, you will be able to deal with a toxic liver gently. There are herbs that will help, most notably milkweed/milk thistle. You can check and see if this would be a problem during pregnancy. The fact you're not doing anything else detrimental should help. As long as the toxins are in your liver and not being released, they probably won't be that much of a problem, either.
For morning sickness, the following has been suggested: eat a little starch before getting out of bed, get adequate protein (a problem if you are a vegetarian, by the way, especially a vegan. You may know about food combining, but the quality just isn't there for the most part. You might try eating chia seeds, though). Some people say eating watermelon helps. Ginger tea should definitely help. There are undoubtedly other herbal remedies that will help. Morning sickness rarely lasts past the first trimester anyway.
My own personal outlook on herbs is that it is possible to misuse them, and even though they have buffers and other ingredients that help prevent the worst consequences, they're not innocuous. I have decades of experience with herbs, and I find I have to watch my body very carefully, because what might be helpful this week may not be next month. Using herbs to disrupt a natural function of your body will have consequences.
I recommend you give this a lot of thought. Think outside the box. Look at different alternatives, and ask yourself what you could do in each scenario, how you could make it work. But please know that abortion, even herbal abortion, is forever, and it doesn't address the emotional consequences, which can be severe (far worse than anything I experienced).
The bottom line is that I consider it highly likely you will regret your decision in the long run. While it may not be obvious to you, since a lot of women go into denial and can stay there a long time, it is known that deliberately harming one's own baby has serious emotional repercussions. I also cannot tell you that your actions will not affect your fertility. They could. We don't know how many children we will be given, and if you are only destined to be given one, then I would certainly consider that an answer on the question of fertility.
Added: I got a couple of thoughts after I sent this. First of all, when you look at different alternatives, please know that the more you investigate and learn about this, the happier you will be with your decision, whatever it is. Also, if you do have an herbal abortion at this point, you will have to go through something like labor, and you will see your baby, who is now almost completely formed. Finally, I want to mention that few relationships survive when the woman has an abortion. So that's something else to consider.
I will be here for you if you want to kick around any other thoughts, and I will welcome hearing from you any time. No matter what you ultimately do, I will support you as a person. Let me know how things go. You will be in my thoughts.
