QuestionThis will be a second marriage for both of. Some people have said our children should be part of the ceremony. The children are all older 16 to 25 and are out of the house or live with the "other" parent. We will not be raising them together. I feel at this point in my life, this is about me the women, not the mom. I don't want the children to be part of the actual ceremony. Is that so bad?
AnswerWith second marriages, it is really up to the bride and groom. If you would rather not include the children, that is your prerogative. This day is about you and your future spouse so your desires are paramount. I don't think it's bad or good, it's a matter of preference.
You may, however, want to consider the feelings of the children- especially if you wish to have a relationship with them (or their future children). The children may be very and deeply hurt by not being included. If you don't really see them at all then this may not matter. The oldest ones also may not care about being included. Every family is different and if your family isn't particularly close than this may not be an issue at all. =)
In the end, take into consideration what you want to do. If you are concerned that the children may be hurt, ask them what they think about it. It may be that the younger ones are the only ones who wish to be included- and then they may be content with a smaller position like an usher or book attendant.
Personally, I am an adult and I would be very hurt if my mother was remarried and didn't include me, in some aspect, in her wedding. My father and step-mother eloped and I was very hurt by that as well. However, I am a very sensitive person by nature and I feel ostracized easily. It is really all dependent on you and your family's situation. =)
Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Best wishes,
Helen =)
