QuestionI have been married 7 years now, together for 10. I am 35 he is 43. We had a rocky relationship from the get go. I have to admit I was very jealous seeing all the females he had been w/and was still friends with. Anyhow if we weren't fighting, something was wrong (so people said). Before the big day I was still unsure about doing it, but did it anyway because I loved him. The first red flag was our honeymoon, when I wanted to have sex and he did not, he said we only be in Hawaii once & we needed to do and see as much as possible. I was crushed beyond belief and still am about that. Over the next 7 years our sexual relationship has been practically non-existent and I've explained to him how I need this in a marriage. It's not only the sex it's the oneness that feeling of closeness, he continues to say he is just not into it that much. Says he is still attracted to me just not interested in sex that much, I just don't get it!!! I'm 5'1,athetic, in good shape ( I work out 5-6 times a week and am attractive. This is killing me, he is content and I am very unhappy. When we married our plan was to have at least 2 kids, we traveled, partied, and never really stopped to discuss it, now he's changed his mind and refuses to have any children, says he's too old. So I've talked myself out of it! I've been to counseling off and on for years and he's been with me a few times also. I feel like I've exhausted every possible avenue to fix our marriage. I love him dearly but I want to do what makes me happy. But how do you let go of something you love? I am now attracted to other men because he does not show me or give me that feeling that he desires me and/or adores me. I've been told he is a Narsictic (sp) person (by a counsler) and I am very emotional which does not help either. I'm struggling letting go, but I know it's what I need to do or I can stay and keep feeling this way. My family and all my friends were against the marriage but stood behind me because they love me. They all have told me how unhappy they've seen me in this marriage, so this is nothing new. Please help me. I'm consumed (every thought) I cry all the time, I need help here. Anything you can say would be greatly appreciated...
AnswerHi Rachel~
It's hard to leave b/c you love him. And taking the first step and actually going through with it, is going to be the hardest thing to do. But once you take it, it does get easier. You're hesitant to leave him b/c you're used to him being around. This is totally normal to feel this way. It's for the best though, he can't give you want you want or need in this marriage. Besides a woman needs sex in a marriage in order to feel loved, appreciated and attractive. If you don't get what you need from him mentally and emotionally, then it's going to start affecting your self-esteem (i.e--you may start to think you don't deserve better than him, begin to have low thoughts of yourself, etc) and self-worth. You need to break away from this unhealthy, unhappy relationship. I think you already know that deep down inside. Once you do that you can begin to move on with your life, and finally start feeling better.
The most important thing is that you go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy. Whatever decision you make isn't going to be an easy one. If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
