QuestionThis seems silly on the face of this most recent situation but this involves deeper issues. On Christmas day a lone piece of candy disappeared from under the Christmas tree. I know it was there and my husband was the only other person in the house. I lightly asked him if he had taken the candy and he sweared that he had not. If he would lie over something so trivial and even swear about it what else must he have lied about?We have been having some problems in the marriage lately and I suspect that he has told me some lies,but I know he is lying about the candy. Thanks.
AnswerHi Sandra,
Thanks for writing. Honesty is the foundation on which a healthy relationship must stand. Without it all sorts of trouble will take place, so I understand completely why you would be so concerned -- even if it is about one piece of candy. Of course you are right, the candy represents your lack of trust. I get it.
Here's the thing ... it is possible he is just dishonest and trying to hide things from you because he has his own agenda, but many times I see spouses hide things from, large to trivial, because they are afraid of the reaction telling the truth will cause. In other words ... do you give your husband the "nth" degree over every little thing, even though it is unjustified? Do you give him the space to say what he needs to without criticizing, judging or trying to fix him? If you don't, then I would imagine that he may choose to withhold the truth from you to avoid getting harassed or scolded ... much like a little boy who doesn't want to tell his parents the truth in order to avoid their punishment.
This is something you must be honest with yourself about ... but in any event, you must learn to make it safe for him to tell you the truth. You do this by not giving him negative results when he does come clean and tells you like it is.
I hope this helps -- good luck to you.
Doctr Becky
