QuestionI'm 31, and my husband's 32. We've been together for 8 years now, married for 3 of them (2007 to now!).
A friend of my husband's, John, came round to our house with a Christmas package, and said it was off a colleague of theirs in work, and for my husband. I thought nothing of it - after all people sometimes do give gifts on others' behalf.
It said on it "Hope you've had a great Christmas and New Year. Jason ".
My husband opened it and was surprised to find it contained lingerie in it with a note on the top saying "E-mail me photos of yourself [my husband's name here] modelling the lingerie - it'll make me horny. Jason". Underneath were more boxes of "La Senza"-branded lingerie, along with Marks & Spencer lingerie and some Wicked Weasel bikinis. (all this from a guy to my husband).
The lingerie looked too big to fit me.
He felt freaked out after he read the note. He doesn't understand why his colleague, (and a guy who he thought was a friend), did this to him, especially as his friend has a wife and kids.
He told me he doesn't want to sound ungrateful, but at the same time, doesn't understand the motivation for this gift, and feels freaked out.
He has tried to talk about it to the guy in work, but he hasn't been able to get any response from him, as he's barely seen him, and when he has, it was cursory from "Jason".
It's now made him question their friendship.
I don't understand it either - why would a married man give another guy lingerie as a Christmas present and then ask him to send him photos of the guy he bought the lingerie for modelling it? Isn't this creepy?
My husband isn't defending the guy, in fact he agrees with my stance on things.
What can or should we do about this situation?
AnswerHi Rebecca,
My dear, you have sent me an unanswerable question -- no one can know why someone does something except the person themselves. If I could read that man's mind, I would. I really feel terrible for you, though ... and like you, I would also be devastated and concerned if this happened to me.
I have worked with many cross dressers, and also men who want to figure out whether they are gay or not. I have also worked with perverts and the sexually obsessed. The problem is, I can't give you much insight because I can't know why that man did what he did -- as I said, only he knows. And if your husband does know, he's not talking. If it happened in my life, I would probably become very observant of my husband ... I would take note of any change or differences going on with his schedule, take a look at text messages, etc. What I do know is that even usually honest people will lie until the end about things like infidelity and fetishes. So, somehow you need to investigate to see if you uncover anything that is of concern. I truly hope you find nothing of concern.
I hope this helps, my dear. I wish you the best.
Doctor Becky
