QuestionHi, my question is simple. How do I tell if my spouse is cheating? My spouse and I have only been married for 1 1/2 and separated after only a year of marriage. My Spouse has a so called "business partner" whom he meets with various times during the day, calls her after business hours, as late as 9 PM. I do not think this is appropriate. He lives in a separate house and she came over to the house where my husband is living after business hours. I checked his voicemail and heard a conversation between him and the female. He was telling her he would be home later that night and she proceeded to tell him that she had to take a test that night. Can I come to a concrete conclusion that he is having an affair with this woman. When I confronted him about it, he said they were meeting about the business and had to fill out some forms, which I know is a crock. I Read a text message he sent to her asking her where was she and he would be there in 10 minutes. Asked him about and he stated he had to give her back her CDs. I knew nothing of the meeting. I am helpless and need desperate advice on what to do. Please help!!!
AnswerHi Tamequa~
It sure isn't looking good. He may not be actually physically cheating with her, yet. But he's got some involvement of some kind with her. So far their interaction seems to be platonic, but that can change over time as they spend more time and get to know one another outside of a business and professional relationship that they have. I don't think you have concrete proof to say he's physically involved with an affair with her, but as I stated before, it definitely could be heading that way. And he could be emotionally attached or involved with her, which is cheating in my personal opinion (although some ppl will not exactly agree with that). Emotional cheating is often way worse than physical b/c emotional you can't just turn off, it's an investment of your emotions and you give your heart and trust this other person with what you're feeling, thinking, etc.
I recently read somewhere (can't remember if it was online or in a magazine, newspaper or whatever) about a new term called "business wife", which is where a secretary or other person in an office work environment is close to say their boss or co-worker, and they do the same things that a normal wife would do for a person; such as remind them about events, bring them things after work if they missed say a deadline for something, pick up things for them, do errands for them, etc. And if you stop and think about it, it makes sense in a way, although I certainly don't like the terminology that they come up with in this day and age. B/c as you said before it's an inappropriate relationship with a co-worker or whatever the case may be. There are just some boundaries that should not be crossed, but some ppl don't care or think about it.
To answer your question though, there are some pretty dead give away signs that a spouse is cheating or is interested in pursuing another person.
-taking more care and paying more attention to the way they dress/look.
-working out for some mysterious reason, and they've never done that before.
-secret phone calls that can be easily explained.
-not paying as much attention to their spouse as they used to.
-being withdrawn and not their usual self/personality.
-personality changes from one extreme to the other.
-being very defensive when you ask them something.
-being gone for long periods of time, w/o explanation of where they are, what they're doing, etc.
-lying about where they are, what they're doing.
-not answering their phone when they would normally have it on, etc.
-turning things around and accusing you of cheating, etc.
-mood swings for no apparent reason (i.e- besides being tired and a bit irritable after work).
And the list goes on an on.
You need to sit down and try to have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Even if you're currently separated, he owes you an explanation and needs to be honest with you, if he plans to move on with his life with someone else. Or if he's at least planning on becoming involved with this other woman, if this is the case and his intentions. You may not want to hear what he has to say, but you need some answers on what he's doing and if you ultimately do plan to divorce and move forward w/o each other in your lives. In other words you need closure to all this and for you to finally decide where to go from here on out. I hope this helps you some.
