QuestionI will do my best to make this complicated mess as short as possible. I am 8 weeks pregnant with twins. Almost two weeks ago now, I went to have an abortion (ru-486) and that's how I found out it was twins. I just couldn't have the abortion without thinking about it further, so I went home. I had a miscarriage with twins at 24yrs of age, so of course this was special to me. I have had several abortions before and as much as I hate to admit it, the one I regret the most is the one my then husband pushed me into. I feel like a monster and I am ashamed. Twins should be a blessing, right? In a different situation this would be my dream come true. But I do not want to have children with this guy! I'm 30, he's 24! He is irresponsible and he also already has a 2 year old with a completely psycho girl who is pregnant now. We are not sure if it's his or not. He has no education (not even a GED, how did I get involved with him??)no car, and is on unemployment. I have also completely lost interest in him and was considering breaking it off, then I found out I was pregnant. He's the first guy I have seriously dated since my split with my husband a year and a half ago. I think I was just vulnerable. Now we live together, I can barley stand him, and the thought of living with him much longer is unbearable. I really did think I was in love with the guy and I ignored the red flags, but I slowly came back to reality. BUT, I am dependent on him at the moment because I am so sick with this pregnancy I cannot work. If he were not the father, I was more financially secure, and I knew it would not ruin my chances of going back to school for nursing, I would not consider abortion at all. I do not want to have an abortion, but the thought of being tied to this guy forever and possibly (probably) end up living in a trailer park somewhere horrifies me. We have only been together for about 4 months. I know the stages of fetal development and I'm running out of time. Also I have no children and I'm not getting any younger, but I just don't know how I can have children with this person and still be independent/happy/productive. This has consumed me, any thought or opinions will be appreciated!
AnswerDear D,
I would never, in a million years, have children with the man you are with, and especially in the situation you are in. And that line about you are not getting any younger, are you serious? I didn't have children until I was 34! You have DECADES of time left.
Twins are only a blessing if they will have a decent father. I would wait until you are married to a decent guy before you have children. Someday you will look back at this time in your life and shudder at the realization of almost getting stuck with this guy, in this lifestyle.
Good luck,
Deb
