Childcare should not be a source of guilt. In fact, it's one of a working mother's best resources. But you have to learn to embrace it as such. Unfortunately, contrasting opinions can sometimes make this difficult.
I started researching childcare almost the moment I learned I was pregnant the first time. My strategy: carefully consider each of the options at hand. In business, this had always worked well for me. So I looked into them all: daycare centers, nannies, in-home care, out-of-home care. I spoke to mothers, grandmothers, teachers, and even a few dads. In this case, however, I learned the hard way what a sensitive subject childcare really is.
Maybe I spoke with the wrong people or maybe I unconsciously sought out contrary opinions to my own beliefs, but I certainly received more negative than positive feedback. So much so that it started to weigh on my mind--constantly. I questioned my objectives and who I was. I let everyone else's opinions influence what they thought I should do.
But I pressed on, made my decision, and after 12 weeks, it was time for Megan to start daycare. The trouble was that for months I had been listening to everyone listing the terrible effects daycare had on children. So I entered into what should have been an exciting new phase of our life with a negative mindset. I began childcare thinking I was bringing harm to Megan, never considering all the good it could provide.
And it was terrible. Every morning, I dropped Megan off and sheepishly snuck out of the center to begin my morning commute. I had built up this negative idea of daycare to such heights that simply driving to work made me feel like a horrible mother. I was abandoning my child!
My outlook on childcare flowed into my workday, which resulted in my feeling embarrassed and avoiding daycare discussions with co-workers. I assumed they were judging me, sure that I was focusing on my career at the expense of my baby.
But even worse than my own insecurities were all the daycare horror stories told to me by my fellow (well-meaning) co-workers. Did you hear that story of the child who was left outside for hours? Did you hear about the teacher who set the baby on fire? I knew Megan was colicky and could be difficult, this only exacerbated my concerns. I imagined she spent the entire day crying, fussing in her crib, and refusing her teachers' attention. I imagined the teachers were becoming frustrated with her and responding with indifference, or even worse, negative discipline.
Are they taking good care of her? What if they treat her poorly? How can I really know? What if they play favorites and Megan isn't one of them? Are they raising her instead of me? Or the mother lode of a working mom's fears: What if she grows to like them better than me?
All in all, I worried that I was failing. I worried I was a bad mother.
After many years and lots of time spent on this subject, I know now that I couldn't have been farther from the truth. In reality, there was nothing wrong with leaving Megan in daycare. She was thriving, learning, and having fun. I was not a bad mother. I was, and am, a . In fact, I was being the very best mother I could possibly be. working mother Being the best mother meant mothering in the way that worked for me. I had to be me. But it would take me some time--and numerous strategies--to figure this out. The rest of this chapter is devoted to sharing these strategies with you.
Samantha Knowles is the author of Working Mom Reviews. Know about how to restore your vision check out Restore My Vision To learn tips to reduce your growing diabetes- quickly check out Reverse Diabetes Today Review
