QuestionI have come out of an abusive relationship and I am ready to find that special someone. Now I"m in a predicament that I don't know how to get out of. I have met two wonderful men. I can't tell you which one I even remotely like best becuase I like them both. Heres my problem. BOtH OF THEM have asked me to marry them. Neither knows the other and will likely never meet in their lifetime. I would love to get married again as I am not a loner and would love to have a loving husband which both of these people would make. Right now as it stands, I haven't made a decision so basically I'm stringing them along and feel terrible as I am not that sort of person. Guy #1 is my age almost to the date. (I"ve always been one to go for older men. My last husband was 79 and I am 40)He is passionate, fun loving, a christian, although works it is not really a stable job, he is my height and we have a lot of interests in common. He is kind, gentle, loving. Although he did ask me if I would buy him something...just a cross neclace but still I thought that was kind of odd as I would never ask anyone for a gift. Which kind of raised a red flag as to wether or not he is a "taker." Other then that I REALLY REAlLY think the world of this guy. Now...guy number two is much shorter then I, 15 years younger which makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. But he is really sweet, kind, affectionate, has a stable job, is ambitious, intelligent and mature for his age. I think the world of him also. I'd be happy with either one!!!! I just don't know which one to choose! Heres the kicker. EAch one says that if they ever lost me their life would be over. I've got to make up my mind because I can't just lead each of them on. I feel so guilty!!!!!!!!! And no matter who I choose, one of them is going to get hurt and I will have that on my conscience. I love them both. THey have beautiful souls and I am ready to get on with my life. I just don't know which one to choose. I have to admit, I'm a little put off by the age and height difference in guy #2 BUT....he is so good to me that I coul definitely overlook that. Guy #1 is smart and a take charge kind of guy that I like. I don't want to be alone anymore.I need to make a choice and to be honest I don't know how I even got into this predicament! I met them both on the same day and well...next thing you know, I've got two men who want to get married. That is exaclty what I want in my life now. I lost my husband to cancer and married on the rebound into an abusive relationship. I've gotton out a live and have taken the time to find me again and now know I am ready for someone in my life. I just don't want anyone to get hurt and it's going to happen. THe reason i haven't made a choice is because I have been trying to avoid the inevitable. I just don't know which one I love more. When I listed the pros and cons on each guy, they were pretty much equal. HELP!
AnswerHi Sandra~
If you feel like you are being pressured too much, then perhaps you should take a break from both of them. Tell them that you need time to think things over. This way you can get a break from both of them, and think for yourself which one would better suit you to marry. I wouldn't be in a rush to marry anyone though. How long have you been dating both of these men? I'd take that into consideration too. As you don't want to just jump right into marriage just b/c they've both asked you to marry them. Marriage is a serious thing to consider. It sounds as though they both would be potentially good husbands and providers. Time is on your side and that's how you'll be able to make a good decide. You definitely don't want to do anything rash and jump suddenly into marriage.
As you said too, one of them is going to get hurt, so that's a given. Just try and let him down the easiest way you can. I would honest suggest and urge that you ask them both for a break from dating them (since they don't know about each other), and tell them both that you've got some things on your mind and you have to seriously consider if you want to marry either one of them. Once you've decided, then you can make your choice with confidence and be happy with the ultimate decision that you've made.
