QuestionQUESTION: Hi. I want to start off by saying that I am pro-choice. However, the other day while discussing the issue of abortion with a friend of mine who is against abortion, she brought up a good point that I was unable to really respond to or refute. My stance is basically that what a woman does with her own body is her business, and that no one else has the right to interfere with what is a very personal decision. However, my friend posed the question "if someone feels that something is immoral, shouldn't he or she do something to try and stop it"? She used the death penalty as an example. Some people believe that the death penalty is murder, while others believe that it is a just and appropriate punishment for those who have committed a particularly heinous crime. Don't those who feel it is murder have a moral obligation to do everything in their power to see that capital punishment is abolished? If they do nothing and remain silent, aren't they in fact partially responsible or at the very least being complicit? Like the person who witnesses a violent crime taking place, and does NOTHING to intervene or doesn't try to help the victim in some way? In other words, if one truly believed abortion was murder wouldn't you expect them to speak out against it and try to stop it? Not by killing doctors of course, but by perhaps participating in demonstrations, writing to their representatives etc? I'm very confused about this. Because I believe it is important to speak out against injustice. Except I just happen to be on the other side of the issue, and do not feel that abortion is immoral or an injustice. I am very confused about this. Thank you.
Jodi
ANSWER: Hi Jodi :)
She uses the death penalty, which kills an actual human being. If she feels that those people do not deserve to have the future of their bodies and minds directed by the state, then neither should innocent women. The people who believe abortion is murder don't get it. Well, first, you can't legally murder something that isn't born. Second-Only the alleged criminal's life is involved. If they're executed, they're the only one dying. If they live, they're the only one living. With abortion, you have a live woman involved, who is harboring that embryo/fetus. If you decide that fetus should live, you are priviledging it over another human being who is already here. To fight for the right of that fetus is to criminalize the woman-it doesn't matter what she thinks or feels, her body is to be governed by those who feel what she's doing is wrong. What if stopping that immoral thing leads to the death of our sisters, mothers, and friends? What if stopping that immoral act means enslaving women for 20 years to a being they wanted nothing to do with, or to a baby that will die soon after birth because mom couldn't terminate?
When the death penalty is stopped, a person's life is spared, at no one's expense (as long as they aren't let go and re commit a crime). When that fetus is spared, the woman's body and mind are thrown under the bus. So if these anti-choicers do favor stopping what they feel is immoral, they need to own up to the fact that stopping it will cause physical and mental pain, and death.
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QUESTION: Hi. I hope you don't mind me writing back. First off, thank you for taking the time to respond to my question. You brought up some excellent points. I have conflicting feelings on the death penalty, but nevertheless I don't really see the comparison. Because a criminal is still a thinking, feeling human being. And a fetus is not. A criminal can still feel fear and pain. A fetus can not. A criminal has family and friends and social ties. A fetus does not and so on. But while she used that as an example, I think she meant it in a general sense. Like if we feel in our hearts that something is unjust or unethical or immoral, do we have an obligation to try and stop it? Or to speak out against it? Or can we ethically and morally just say even though I do not agree with that person's decision, I have to respect it? Like for instance, my parents are christian and personally feel that homosexuality is a sin, and that marriage should be between a man and a woman. BUT they have gotten into many disagreements with other members of their church over the gay marriage issue. Their mentality is yes, homosexuality is wrong. It is a sin. The bible says so. HOWEVER, it is not up to them to judge. They don't have the right to impose their own personal beliefs on others, and others are entitled to disagree and live their lives as they see fit. So that's what I was asking. Can I personally be against abortion and think it's murder, but stil respect a woman's right to choose? Or if I think it's wrong do I have to try and stop it?
Also, during our discussion another issue arose. My friend's sister was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer when she was five months pregnant. She was told that she needed chemotherapy and radiation immediately if she was to have any chance to survive. She was also told that it could harm her unborn baby. She agonized over the decision. Finally, she made the choice to terminate the pregnancy along with her husband. My friend thought her sisters decision was incredibly selfish and told her so, and now they are no longer on speaking terms. I felt sorry for this woman. I can't imagine being in that situation. And I would hope that if (heaven forbid!) I ever was, I could at least depend on my family for support.This woman had a husband and two young children already who needed her. She wasn't just thinking of herself. And of course, my first thought was what about her? Doesn't she have the right to take her own life into consideration? Isn't her life valuable? Are we at the point now where a woman is considered "selfish" for having an abortion even if her life is literally in danger? And she said to me "wouldn't you be willing to die for Bailey?". Bailey is my beloved three year old daughter. I love her more than life itself, and yes I would die for her. I don't even have to think twice about it. I've had my life already. She has her entire life ahead of her. But I feel that is different. But my friend (who has three children of her own) feels that is hypocritical. That if I say I'd be willing to die for her now, I should have been willing to die for her when she was still in my womb. But I honestly feel that I wouldn't have. That it is different now. Do you feel that that is hypocritical? Does it make sense that I would die for my child, but not for a fetus (which technically IS my child)? I acknowledge maybe it does sound hypocritical, but then I don't equate a fetus with an actual human being. I hope you don't mind my asking such a detailed and philisophical question. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Amy
AnswerI love when people write back :)
Yea I'm still trying to figure out how I really feel about the death penalty. Maybe it'd be easier if innocent people weren't killed, and women and black men didn't receive death sentences so out of proportion to their white male counterparts.
I think there's a lot of people who do personally disagree with abortion, but can acknowledge that not everyone feels that way, and they do not know every single woman's situation and mindset. They are free to try and stop it, but they will be met with opposition. Whether it's our duty to stop what we feel is wrong is up to every individual. I feel, yes. And by trying to stop abortion, they will cause more pain and suffering. But if they feel it's their duty, then fine. They just need to also know that those who feel differently will also be acting upon how they feel, and all our actions are effecting real live people. In abortion, what they feel is morally wrong is a woman exerting bodily autonomy. Ok, think it's murder. But this is not your run of the mill murder-this involves a being inside another person's body, using that person's resources to live and thrive. So if you feel that getting rid of it is murder, good for them. But they don't get to isolate abortion into a just a murderous act-they also have to take into account the actual pregnancy.
What your friend's sister went through must have been terrible-terminating a wanted pregnancy and having your own life being threatened. I can't imagine what it would be like to be told it was selfish to help save your own life (if she had died, her husband and family would have deeply been affected. The loss of the baby affected her ad her husband.) Although that's the thing with anti-choicers-the woman doesn't matter. She's a uterus, and is thus obligated to birth any baby that is conceived, her life be damned. It's incredibly misogynist. What's better for a family? A sick, possibly dead mom and healthy baby, or a healthy mom and a sick baby? Well that too is only up to the woman and her family.
You're not being hypocritical in the least. Your daughter now is not just a bunch of unknown, unnamed cells whom you haven't seen or held. You don't really know a fetus-but you DO know your daughter. You nailed it-you don't equate a fetus with a human being. It's why doctors don't call it a baby until after it's birth-before that, it's a fetus. Your daughter is so much more than what a fetus is-a human doesn't breathe until after it's born. Your daughter can feel pain and all sorts of other emotions. A fetus depends on YOUR body's nutrients for life. Your daughter depends on you for her well being, of course including food, but she's not actively impacting your own body's health through her need for nourishment. If you don't feel it's hypocritical, then it isn't. I mean 61% of women who terminate are already mothers. My mother terminated twice before my sister and I. We were wanted pregnancies, the others were not. My sister and I, as well as Bailey, are incredibly blessed beyond belief to have mothers who wanted us, and didn't have us because they were forced to (i'm hoping that's your situation!). If your friend feels the same way about her kids as she did about them as fetuses, then that's for her. But she should also know that not everyone feels that way, and negatively labeling others who don't feel that way is rude and self defeating. I know a woman, who had her son at 19, who felt during the pain of labor that if she didn't want that baby, she would have done everything in her power to get rid of it. It's NOT selfish to think for yourself, and your wants and needs first and foremost. When you make decisions best for you-then everyone else benefits. I really hope I was able to help-if not ALWAYS feel free to let me know. Sometimes my mind goes off track, and I'll be more than happy to try again :)
