QuestionHi. My question is why do people who are against abortion always say things like "if she didn't want to get pregnant she should have closed her legs"? It is so crude and offensive. And most of all, confusing. I mean, I am genuinely perplexed by it. Most of these people (at least the ones I have talked to) are also against birth control. So that doesn't really make sense right? Isn't it kind of unrealistic to expect that if a woman doesn't want kids or doesn't want kids at the moment that she should NEVER have sex? What if she is married? Or has been seeing someone for a while? And why is it the woman or girl who is always a slut? Like in my high school, there are certain girls that everyone says are sluts. Recently this really popular girl got pregnant by her boyfriend (she's a cheerleader and he is captain of the football team) and people were whispering behind her back and stuff. Someone even wrote "slut" on her locker. But everyone was slapping him on the back, congratulating him for getting such a hot girl in bed. My mom always tells me not to give it up, because then guys won't respect you. But she doesn't tell this to my brother, who has a girlfriend that he is sleeping with. But she told me that guys have needs, but that girls are supposed to be strong enough to resist temptation, and that if they have respect for themselves they won't let guys use them. But I was thinking to myself, how do you know he used her? Maybe she used him too! Maybe she wanted sex just as bad as he did. I'm a girl, and I have feelings like that sometimes even though I always feel guilty about them because of how I was raised. My mom thinks abortion is murder and that only sluts have them. So I know if that ever happened I couldn't go to her for help, which makes me sad. But anyway, I just noticed there is a double standard. And I also noticed that in almost every argument against abortion, someone brings up sex and how the girl should have said no if she didn't want to get pregnant. Why is that? Thanks.
Jenna
AnswerHi Jenna :)
It's the ever present misogyny always present in society, even if it's not obvious. Women aren't supposed to want sex. Their bodies need to be controlled, which shows in the form of abortion restrictions. It's always on the woman to protect herself from pregnancy, never the guy's, despite the fact that she wouldn't be pregnant if not for his sperm. The slut shaming you're experiencing is horrible, absolutely horrible, and I'm sorry you have to go through that. The word "slut" is a derogatory, sexist term, used to keep women in line, so to speak. Women's sexuality has freaked people out since god knows when. It's certainly not natural for women to hide their sexual desires, as there are many other cultures (that are always portrayed as "primitive") where it's not the case at all. Our primate ancestors would have some groups where yes, a male was dominant, BUT! At any time, a male could kill off the lead male, and who would then kill any children because they were not his offspring, so the female primates would sleep with every male in the group, so that when the next male took power, there was a chance they were his children, and they would live. But all we ever hear is how men were the "hunters." They chased after women, who were busy raising children. So people now think it's natural, biological for the man to chase after women. Well, in reality, men hunted because women were taking care of children-would it be good to bring screaming kids along in the hunt? Hell no. That's why men were the hunters, even though some groups had women hunters as well. I hope this doesn't seem completely off topic to you, but it does give a background for the issues women face today.
Men are portrayed as these beings with no control of their sexual desire, they can't help it. So women have to make sure they don't aid that. This is often used to blame victims of rape. If it's the woman's job to control the man's desire, her having sex is out of the question, unless she has a ring on her finger. Women want sex just as much as men, fact. Social conditioning, however, associates those feelings with shame, reinforced by the words 'slut' 'whore' 'tramp' 'skank'. When a male celebrity/singer has songs about sex, no one blinks an eye, right? But for example, when Christina Aguilera released her last video, which was very sexual, she was called a slut, that she was being TOO sexual, she's a mother etc. The issue was a woman being comfortable with her sexuality. That bothers a lot of people.
Interestingly enough, at least in the US, 61% of women who abort are already mothers. Hopefully if you ever need to make that decision, you'll have a supportive partner. Or your mom would be forced to reevaluate her position. There's nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about when it comes to sexual feelings. That's just you being human.
