QuestionIm 17 and I think im pregnant which would usually be a good thing but im about to go into the military and if i have a baby now that wouldnt be possible and would set my life back my boyfriend doesnt want to kill the baby but i think its the best thing to do so what should i do?
AnswerLakisha,
Let me ask you to think about some things. First of all, what makes you think that having a baby would prevent you from going into the military? You might not go quite as soon as you had hoped, but why not a year or two later? Life is going to throw you some curve balls, so you better get used to it. This is particularly true in the military.
I just finished reading a book about the question of what is a just war. We Americans try very hard to avoid killing innocent people, such as civilians, women, children, the elderly and so forth. Our troops are taught to take extra risks to avoid doing this. In spite of the fact that this is the philosophy of our military, and rightly so, there are still atrocities. How do these happen? I think part of the reason is because people don't have their personal philosophy in line with that of the military, and when the pressure gets tough, which it does in a combat situation, they break. Obviously, not everyone is in a combat role, but certainly everyone contributes to the war effort. Right now we are at war, and that isn't likely to change anytime soon. If you personally are ready to kill an innocent person (your own child), then do you really think you are showing the fortitude you need to pursue a military career? I know lots of people go into the military because of the benefits, but sometimes people forget what the military is really for.
Our youngest son faced some of these very questions. He was in his late 20's when he joined the military. He got married to a woman who turned out not to be such a great catch. She was also in the military to begin with. She wanted a child, and he wanted to wait. She tricked him into it. He would never consider an abortion. He has a son. And it has complicated his life in the military. In particular, he was sent to Iraq at a critical time in the situation. Now it turns out that he was able to get a new assignment in the States, and will stay here for the foreseeable future.
If it is unthinkable to kill the children of the enemy (which it should be if they're not shooting at you), then it should be equally unthinkable to kill our own.
I don't know what you feel about your boyfriend, but I can tell you that the chances are very high that if you have an abortion, you two will break up.
There is another consideration. To be in the military, you have to be physically fit. Abortion is dangerous. There are more ways it can harm your body and emotions than you can possibly imagine. What if it renders you unfit? There will be no going back.
It sounds to me like you don't have all the facts you need to make a decent decision. You should get some decision counseling from someone who doesn't have a conflict of interest. Everyone will have a bias, but one side will try to sell you an abortion, and they will emphasize how difficult life will be for you if you don't have an abortion, and the other side will offer you real help. They don't gain anything other than the satisfaction from helping others. They won't make money from helping you. In fact, people will sacrifice to do so.
You need to find out as much as possible before you make a decision you can't take back. This includes what the dangers of abortion are, what your baby is like right now, and what abortion will do to him or her. You need to know what the alternatives are. The more you know, the happier you will be with your decision, whatever it is.
I strongly urge you to talk to a crisis pregnancy agency. You can find one near you by going here:
http://pregnancycenters.org/
You don't really sound like you want an abortion. You say usually being pregnant would be a good thing. You feel pressured because you are afraid that life as you know it will come to an end. It won't. This is no more than a minor setback. You deserve not to have to make these kinds of sacrifices, and the whole point is, you don't have to. Be creative and think outside the box. You can do both motherhood and the military. A woman who has an inner conflict should never have an abortion. You do, or you wouldn't be here asking me about this. Follow your heart.
Feel free to ask more questions and let me know how you are doing. But please don't harm yourself or your baby. You are both too precious for that. Stay safe!
