QuestionHi, I am 16 and am currently pregnant with me ex boyfriends baby, he wants me to keep it but I would like to make a more educated decision.
I know abortions can be risky and can cause complications in the future, but I am scared that if I keep this baby that I wont be able to provide it with everything it needs, I honestly don't feel like I am responsible enough to be a mother and that it would be selfish for me to keep it.
What are my options?
AnswerHello, Tyler-Anne,
Your ex is wise. Abortion is very dangerous. You deserve better. Abortion can not only harm or kill you, but it can also harm or kill your future children. Abortion can cause a woman to bleed to death, to develop an infection that will kill her within hours, or to rupture her uterus. It can cause serious disability. All abortions make a woman much more likely to get breast cancer. If you have a close relative who has had breast cancer, your chance of getting it is just about 100%. This form, triple negative, is particularly deadly; it kills 1/4 of its victims. And it tends to strike while a woman is still young, such as in her 30's. All forms of abortion can also cause autoimmune disease, such as lupus or rheumatoid arthritis. It can cause serious emotional disturbances. The chance of committing suicide is 6 times what it would be if the woman carried to term, and it can also cause a woman to die a violent death from accident or homicide. Many women abuse drugs, alcohol, or themselves. It can cause a woman to develop eating or sleep disturbances. One possibility is horrible nightmares. I have experienced these. You don't want to go there, believe me. Abortion can cause a woman to become sterile, or get a sexually transmitted disease, including HIV. This is because many abortionists do not sterilize their instruments properly, if at all. It can cause a woman to have repeat miscarriages, or in the future to have a baby with cerebral palsy, mental retardation, epilepsy, autism, blindness, or deafness. It can cause a woman to have a tubal pregnancy, which requires emergency surgery. It can cause a woman to need a Caesarian section during birth, to save her life and that of her baby. Sometimes the abortionist injures other organs. There are cases where the bowel is damaged, and has to be removed. There are plenty more possible problems, but this gives you an idea.
Do you have the money to pay for medical care if you develop a complication? Or will your parents end up paying for it? I know that there is a lot of help in UK, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't have to bear personal consequences.
Protecting your baby is NOT selfish. Your baby is depending on you for your protection, and only you can protect your baby. Yes, it is difficult to become a mother at 16. But there is help available. There are organizations throughout the UK that can provide many different kinds of help. You can find an organization near you by going to this web site:
http://www.optionline.org/
You owe it to yourself to go hear what they have to say, and find out what they will offer you.
A lot of women think that "providing a baby with everything he or she needs" means a lot of material things, including many that really are not necessary. This is actually not good for the child, because without a little adversity in life, a person doesn't develop a good personality, but becomes spoiled and selfish. To begin with, a baby needs love, shelter, clothing, a place to sleep (could be a dresser drawer), and attention. She needs food, and breast milk is by far the best, and very inexpensive. A mother grows in her ability to be a good mother along with the baby. As long as she maintains good discipline, her child will be a delight. Make sure there are consequences for bad behavior, if possible, consequences that are related to what the child did. Do not bribe the child (that is to say, if he misbehaves, don't promise him something good if he starts to behave.) And it is also possible, even likely, that you will end up getting married to a wonderful man who will either be your ex or someone who is willing to care for your child as his own. We know lots of women who have done this.
Your other option is to place your baby for adoption. It is a good, but difficult, choice. It is easier to live with than abortion, though. There are many couples who long for a baby and would provide an excellent home. We have four adopted children in our family. Two of them are my sons, and two are my daughter's children. All of them are doing very well. You may even be able to arrange to be kept informed of how they are doing, and possibly even see them.
Please don't hurt yourself or your baby. Please let me know how things go, and feel free to ask questions any time. Having raised seven children, I can tell you a lot about how to be a good mother. All our children are excellent people, and I am very proud of them. Let me know how your parents reacted when they found out you are pregnant, or how you think they will react. Parents are usually upset at first, but become very supportive. We have two grandchildren who were born out of wedlock. They are just as precious as the other nine. Take care.
