QuestionQUESTION: Hello,
I have asked you earlier.The url is http://en.allexperts.com/q/Abortion-1320/2012/1/want-onceive-abortion.htm.
For your convenience, I am briefing my case. I had a surgical abortion on last may. After that everything was going normal. I am now trying to conceive, for last three months I can't. I think we are not doing it frequently and missing the fertile dates. Due to the first issue abortion, I was being scolded by many doctors, whenever I visit them. Now I fear to visit any doctor. I feel very uncomfortable, in front of those who know about the abortion.
I am feeling that I have lost my purity. I don't know why. Sometimes I feel that nothing new will not happen to me. Sometimes I stay very happy. It's like a bout.
You suggested for counselling. But I fear to consult anyone because if (s)he scolds me for first issue abortion it would be very difficult to tackle for me. I have visited the site 'optionline' and send them a mail, there must be some problems from my side because I didn't get any reply. I mail them again today. Do they only cater phone calls?
Thank you very much.
ANSWER: Hello, babuli,
I don't know how many people they have on their staff who can answer emails. If you continue to have problems, let me know, and I'll see if I can get them to respond. Obviously, you won't be able to call them from India unless you have Skype or something.
I don't blame you for your fears. But there are kind people out there who will love you and help you heal. Healing is possible. It may take awhile. In my experience the first year is the roughest. On the dates when you had your abortion, and when you were expecting the birth, be sure and be with friends. Do not be alone.
I think the feeling that you lost your purity is natural. This is one of the things that you will need to heal. It is possible to restore virtue. A person who knows how to counsel a woman who is abortion-experienced will help you with that.
You might also want to visit this site:
http://www.afterabortion.com/
They have many support groups. You will be able to get support from other women who have been through the same experiences. You won't necessarily find spiritual peace there, though you might. But I think it will be helpful.
If you are not familiar with fertility awareness, you can learn more about it here:
http://www.fertilityuk.org/
Make sure you are not using any hormones at all, because they can prevent conception.
Good luck. Keep in touch.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: hello again,
I have gone through the websites you have suggested.I am trying to make a chat counselling, I do not know whether it is possible or not.
the optionline you have suggested, answered. They have suggested another two websites. I have asked whether they provide any online or couselling or else. yet to answer. Meanwhile I thought it is better to consult you.Much easier.
Right now I am doing my PhD. I will submit within two months. I am under immense mental pressure. want to conceive, my periods suddenly become irregular, 5/6 days earlier ( it is completely regular of 28 days), I can't forget the days I got pregnant, I can't forget the day i aborted, differet pictures are coming in my mind, I have lost my self esteem, feared of being infertile.Moreover I am now cursing my mother sometimes (not actually, in my mind) for not stopping me for doing that, not encouraging me to take the child.
Can you help me?
ANSWER: Hello, babuli,
As far as I know, they don't offer chat on that web site, but I could be mistaken. You may have tried when everyone was in bed. We're about a half day behind you, so you should try late at night.
I recommend you put the issue of conceiving "on the back burner" until you finish your PhD. In other words, try not to worry about conceiving until you have submitted your dissertation and defended it. If in the meantime you become pregnant, that's good. But you simply have too much stress right now, and you need to concentrate on your studies.
Your mother probably believed the same lies that most people do. Try not to be too hard on her. You need your relationships more than ever. Forgive her. This is necessary for your own peace of mind. Forgiveness means choosing not to blame the other person or strike back in any way. It means accepting the hurt. And it heals the spirit.
I will do my best to be here for you. Let me know what you are thinking, and I will comment and try to help you. I will pray for you. Take care.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hi,
I am asking you after some time gap. In the mean time I have tried to make myself understand what you have said. For some time it happens, that I forgot the issue of conceiving. But again a bout of thought comes in my mind about the issues of conception. I am trying to get come out of it, but can't.Do you have any suggestion to just wash off the issue of conception from my mind?
How can I preoccupy my mind when I am relaxing? I have found out that my nerve is not relaxing anytime. When I am working it is tensed, when I am relaxing it is tensed with the issues of conception. Can't stop thinking over it. I have a fear that after the thesis submission, my mind will not be as preoccupied as it is now, I will think of the issue of conception then and get tensed.
AnswerHello, babuli,
It is common for a woman to want to replace the baby she lost through abortion. Ask yourself whether you are ready to care for a baby. Ask yourself if you are trying to replace your baby. If that is what is happening, then you have some spiritual work to do.
Beyond that, there are a few things you can do, but none of them may be easy. One thing you can do is discipline yourself so that when you think of conceiving, you turn back to your thesis and work on it until you are involved with that instead of thinking about conceiving. Please keep in mind that being tense can help prevent conception, so you want to try to relax. You might try going to an Ayurvedic practitioner and explain your problem and ask him for a treatment that will help you relax. If he suggests what seems to be a spiritual treatment, I urge you to pray to the Christian God instead. You might want to try that anyway. All babies are gifts from God, and it is certainly reasonable to ask Him for a child. Just talk to Him as if He were in the room, and He will hear you.
Were you ever successful at talking to anyone at the web site? They have training specifically on issues such as this one.
Feel free to tell me what is on your mind at any time. I won't always have a wise answer for you, but I will listen. Take care, and good luck with your studies.
