QuestionHi Samantha,
I really hope you can help me here. My bf and I have been dating for ALMOST 2 years. We talked about marriage,he asked me if I would marry him,talked about kids (he's 25,I'm 26,we live together) he even said he was looking at the rings ;)
Recently,he lost hes job and stopped talking about the marriage and I understand why,men needs financial stability. The thing that confuses me is,he says he wants future with me and loves me to death. We're moving from Ontario to British Columbia,Canada(I'm not gonna get into why we're moving)but the thing is,this move is very expensive and we're going TOGETHER he wants me there,to start our life from scratch there.
Like I said he doent's talk about marriage anymore and I don't feel comfortable asking.
What does all this mean,does he wants to marry me one day???
Also,he smokes weed and I hate it,we had some converstaion about the future and our kids and how we'll live and manage out lives and stuff(he says OUR kids) I snapped and said don't include me in your future and talk about the kids if you're gonna keep smoking weed,I dont wanna marry pot head and raise kids. As of then.. when kids come up in the topic he says MY kids
I'm so confused and don't know what to do. I love this man and would like to be married to him.
Hope I didn't confused you and you'll be able to clear the air for me.
Thank You so much!
Daria
AnswerHi Daria~
I wouldn't agree to marry someone that smokes weed, a drug is a drug, is a drug, weed or not, doesn't matter. It's not a good drug to smoke for any reason (maybe besides for medicinal usage only). And if he'll do weed, that could eventually lead to other drugs (can't tell you how many times I've seen/heard that something small like weed leads to more possible drugs to try/experiment with, etc). You don't like him doing it anyway to begin with. What makes you think he's going to stop for any reason, for you, or if you want to have children, etc. There's no guarantee that he'll stop or at least go back to it in the future if he's stressed or whatever other problems that may arise for him in the future (since weed is a calming drug). It's not worth chancing that in my personal and honest opinion. I don't expect you to substitute my thoughts for your own. Just throwing all these scenarios and stuff out there for you b/c, well, you never know what someone will due. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Beware when he uses the term "MY" kids, that's a red flag for you to alert you to he might be possessive about certain things, such as smoking his weed, laying claim to future children that you don't even have yet, etc.
It's hard to say if he's even ready for marriage or even marriage material. Maybe he's not truly ready for marriage. Marriage is a very challenging thing to get into. Marriage truly is a life changing experience for everyone. It can either bring out the best or the absolute worst in a person. Not to mention that your life changes even more when you bring children into the mix. You should think really long and hard about this before you agree to marry him. It's not easy to get out of a marriage once you make it legal, divorce can be very costly and hard to do, if you suddenly decide you made a mistake in marrying him. That's why I say take your time before you decide to marry him and especially before you have children with him. Then you will be tied to him for life b/c he'll most likely be in their/your lives forever. Keep all this in mind, marrying and having children are serious decisions that shouldn't be taken lightly, especially since he's doing drugs (doesn't matter if it's recreational usage or not).
I can see why you're confused and don't know what to do, due to his actions, and all that's currently going on in your life. If you have a lot on your plate right now, then take your time and make wise decisions for yourself. Remember that children do not ask to be born into unstable situations and life styles. When you have a child you have to think of someone other than yourself, and it's all about them and not you (that can be tough to adjust to for a lot of ppl). If you have any doubts about him, your relationship or future together, don't do it. Use and trust your gut instincts, after all that's why they're there and that's to tell you when something's not quite right or when it just feels right. They won't steer you wrong. It's not all about him, it's about you too. I hope this helps you some.
