QuestionHi. I've been married almost a year now and am pregnant with my first. My husband is very quick tempered and unemotional. He treats me like a child and I constantly feel I have to walk on eggshells around him. Anything little sets him off. He mentally beats me down when we argue. Also he has no affection. I feel as if I live wig a friend. He never wants to have sex but he is obsessed with porn and I have caught him being stupid on a few dating sites. Everything feels mechanical. My family thinks I need to leave him because of his temper and the way he treats me. I don't know if I want to raise my son around that. Last time we argued he choked me kicked me ripped my necklaces off my neck and dumped a bottle of spit ontology my head. He chews tabacco. He doesn't help around the house and has no interest in the baby. (Sonograms appointments) he says he didn't care and didn't want it. I don't know what to do. Everytime I try to leave he does everything to prevent me from going. I feel bad and end up staying.
AnswerHi Kira~
You need to leave him NOW and FOR GOOD! Trust me, I know that it's like to be in an abusive relationship, my first marriage my ex-husband tried to control me (but it didn't work b/c I didn't allow it), he was abusive mentally, verbally, mentally and a couple of times physically. I stayed for 5.5 yrs before I decided that I'd had enough and I was not going to take his crap any longer, that I deserved way better than what he was capable of giving me. I also had 3 children with him and I didn't want my girls growing up thinking it's normal or even okay for a man to disrespect a woman in any way, shape or form. I did love him at one point, and I did everything possible to make my marriage work, he refused to change (even to this day) and I couldn't take it any more. It was one of the hardest yet best decisions of my entire life to leave him and divorce him. Sure, it's hard to do and you worry about what's going to happen and having to start all over, but it's a small price to pay to not have to endure the crap you're going through. I do not regret divorcing him ex-husband at all and I'm actually so very glad I did. My parents were there to help me move out and on with my life. You can't and shouldn't take this from him. His treatment and behavior around you is rude, crude and socially unacceptable, not to mention very inappropriate and childish. He's a very selfish man who doesn't care about anyone but himself, let him be lonely and selfish by himself. He doesn't deserve to have you in his life. There are no excuses for how he's doing you at all, period.
You owe it to yourself and your precious unborn baby to get out of this abusive situation. The hardest part sometimes is taking the first step and actually doing it, and then going through with it, but I can assure you that you will have a huge relief wash over you when you leave him once and for all. Don't worry about how you're feeling at the time, nows the time to not get all sentimental and to feel guilty for leaving him and moving on with your life, that's his problem he doesn't know how to treat a woman, and he'll pay for it with you leaving him (whatever you do do not go back to him or take him back, he will NOT change no matter how much he promises you (trust me been there and done that), they will tell you what you want to hear and do anything to convince you otherwise)). Don't do it. Get the love and support and help of your family, having a good support system in place can make all the difference and make you stronger. You have to want change bad enough and have that sheer determination that you will make something of yourself and your life, and that you deserve to be happy and healthy. You can do anything you put your mind to. So, yes, leave him and don't look back. If it's hard for you to leave him, do it when he's gone to work, have your family and friends come over and help you move out and to give you good moral support in this time of need. It's his loss and he's the one that did this to make you leave, that's on him, not you. The feelings will subside as time goes on and it can and will get easier, you just have to be patient and give yourself time to heal from all that he's done to you. You are stronger than you think you are. If you have any further questions or concerns please feel free to write me back. Take care of you and that blessing of a baby. And remember it's not about him anymore, it's now and suddenly about you and your baby and both your safety and well-being. Don't stay with him or let him con you into anything, be strong and move on with your life w/o him in it and don't look back and regret anything. You CAN do it! Take care.
