Coping with Past Abortion: Healing and Self-Forgiveness

Question
I'm 18 years old married with two kids and going to college.Everything seems to be fine but the real problem is that when I was 16 years old I had an abortion. It was something I wish I never had done. I think about it alot and I get depressed alot.All I think about is my baby. I want him/her back so bad.I've asked god to forgive me but I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.I'm not for abortions.It felt really ugly.I thought I was doing the right thing but it wasn't. I try to convince myself it was for the best but I don't feel like that.I'm really depressed all the time. Mostly in the night when I'm laying on my bed all I think about was that day. I cry to my husband but he keeps his feelings to himself. When I had my daughter I couldn't bond with her.It took me a while. But now I love her to death.Can you help me? I want to stop feeling like this?  

Answer
Dear Cassandra,
Your letter made me cry. You have done the right thing by asking God to forgive you and you should rest assured that he has. My friend "Amy" (Not her real name) got pregnant at 13 and had an abortion. She has since asked God to forgive her but every time she looks at my son I can see the pain in her eyes. You symptoms are very typical of many women who have abortions. I sugest you look into counseling or a support group. Look at it this way, you have a new chance with your daughter. Don't try to forget the child you lost but don't hurt the children you do have by beating yourself up over it. Talk to your pastor or a close friend. My friend also found it helpful to name your dead child and find a place you can mourn for him/her. You have to allow yourself to heal. Also, you may want to suggest counseling to your husband. The fact that he won't talk to you leads me to believe that he is having major issues with the past abortion. Also prove to you child that she/he has not died in vain sign the pro-life youth plede at www.rockforlife.org  and join the thousands of us looking to put an end to abortion.
God Bless,
Tara

P.S. you can reach me pewrsonally at purple_girl_21787@yahoo.com   if you feel more comfortable talking to some one without a face.