Questionhi my name is Jasmin i am 24 years old i had a medical abortion about 3 months ago. and i recently found out i was pregnant again with my boyfriend of 5 months, wen i told him the news he wasn't very happy and he didn't want to help me in any way and since i currently don't have a job and I'm living with my aunt i wasn't ready to have it either, even though this time i wanted to keep it because i just didn't want to abort again. but i did it anyway. i took the abortion pills again. this time when i took them i was bleeding more heavier than when i had my first abortion, 4 days passed and i was still bleeding heavily and i was like this is not normal since my first time i didn't remember it being this bad. so i went to the clinic i had an ultrasound done, and the doctor said that i was loosing to much blood and i was becoming anemic really quickly and that there is probably still some tissue in there that didn't want to come out that's why i was bleeding so much. so he suggested that i do the surgery to stop the bleeding and get the tissue out. i was so scared and crying at the clinic because i felt like this was a punishment from god for aborting again. and that's why i was suffering to much and the pills didn't work because i was getting punished, that's how i felt and i kept crying and asking god for forgiveness, i promised him that i will never do this again. so i just didn't want to do the surgery but the Dr said that because i was becoming anemic and the tissue doesn't want to come out i can end up in ER over the weekend. so i was so afraid that i went ahead and did the surgery.
now my question is will this affect me in any way later in life like if i want to have kids in the near future because since i had an abortion 3 months ago and now im having another one and the medication didn't completely work for me the second time and they had to proceed with the surgery. will i still be able to be a mom some day when im really ready.. please help answer my question, i really appreciate it.
AnswerHello, jasmin,
I am so sorry you have been through all this. You deserve better. Maybe you don't think so right now, but you didn't deserve pressure from your boyfriend. He has no right to coerce you to accept an abortion you don't want. You didn't deserve for him to use your body for his own gratification, either, and you don't deserve it now. It may be very difficult, but he sounds like a loser, and I think it would be best if you break up with him. He will not do anything but break your heart in the long run (often, guys like this are two-timing women in addition to being cruel and abusive toward the woman who has abortions on their command). He has shown that he is abusive. Coercing you into abortion is highly abusive. Emotionally, it may hurt like the dickens, but any man who would do what he has done to you will probably abuse you physically as well, especially since deep down inside, he knows he's wrong. He could even be a danger to your life. The sooner you break it off with him, the better.
You probably also were lied to. There is a very good chance your baby survived the second abortion, especially if all you passed was blood. They can stop the bleeding without resorting to surgical abortion, but they want your money. Losing that much blood is very common with the pills, and yes, it is very dangerous. But they could have offered you something to slow the bleeding. Also, you can take cayenne as a supplement or eat a lot of spicy food with red hot peppers in it, which may help slow the bleeding. Drink plenty of water, and try to get some decent electrolytes (I recommend you go to the health food store and get some bottles of Recharge. Most other electrolyte drinks are not properly balanced and can cause more harm than good). The abortionist may have concluded that you might come back and sue him, and by doing a second abortion, if he could get rid of whatever, he might be able to destroy evidence. You need to stay away from all "doctors" who think abortion is acceptable medical practice. In reality, it is very dangerous, has no purpose other than social, and is unethical.
Yes, your abortions can affect your chance of having children, especially your surgical abortion. It has increased your risks of having repeat miscarriages, tubal pregnancy, and very early birth, which is a leading cause of birth defects.
You need to see an ethical doctor as soon as possible. You need to know what is really going on with your body, and you need some ethical medical treatment. You can find a good doctor near you by getting in touch with an organization that offers help to pregnant women. These organizations also offer counseling to abortion-experienced women, and you desperately need that counseling. You can find an organization near you by going to this web site:
http://www.optionline.org/
Also, look in your Yellow Pages under "Abortion Alternatives". Do this right away.
In the future, should you become pregnant, you need to go to a doctor who handles high risk pregnancies (again, the organization can give you a referral) and tell him your history of abortions. There are some things he can do to help protect your future children. For example, he can help prevent miscarriages and very early birth by using a procedure called cerclage. The reason for miscarriages and very early birth is because surgical abortion weakens the cervix so it cannot hold the weight of a full term baby. The good news is that because you were already bleeding, your cervix was probably not as "tight" so less damage may have been done. Still, it is good for you to know what the alternatives are. Cerclage fastens the cervix shut so that it will carry the weight. It has to be undone at the time of birth.
I will be here for you. You have a lot of physical and emotional healing to do. Please ask God specifically for forgiveness. Jesus has already paid the price for both abortions, and all you have to do is ask in sincerity, vowing never to have an abortion again. Also vow that you will no longer have sex until you are married. Having done this, I can then assure you that God HAS forgive you. It is more important than ever that you try to draw nearer to God. He will comfort you. You will undoubtedly go through some stages of emotions in the meantime, so don't be surprised. These can include denial, anger, turning on yourself, and so forth. You are not in denial. You have every right to be angry with your boyfriend and with the "doctors" who gave you unethical care. Allow yourself to experience this anger, and then forgive them. That's the hard part. But because God forgives us, it is a requirement. Forgiveness is not an emotion. You won't feel like forgiving them. Forgiveness is a decision not to hold what they did to you against them, and to accept the pain they have caused you. You will probably need God's help to do this. Tell God that you don't want to forgive them, and He will have to help you do it. You may choose to forgive them one day, and the next day, you may again feel rage, and that you truly do not forgive them. Ask God again. Keep asking until you have peace of mind. It will come. Forgiveness is more for your sake than for theirs anyway, because holding a grudge is very damaging to you emotionally and spiritually.
I recommend you read the Bible and go to church. Look for a church that is not spiritually abusive. A church is spiritually abusive if it teaches that you have to do anything at all, to gain access to heaven (for example, the Roman Catholic church teaches that people have to spend time in Purgatory, and they can shorten the time by doing good deeds.) This is highly spiritually abusive, and takes away the assurance of your salvation. Jesus DID die for you. When He was dying, He said, "It is finished." What was finished? Our salvation! There is nothing we CAN even add to that, and for us to try is blasphemy, because cleansing us from sin and making us pure in the eyes of God is GOD'S job, not ours. When we accept God's forgiveness in its totality, then God sees only Jesus' righteousness. He forgets our sins.
Please keep in touch. I am very concerned about you, and I will keep you in my prayers.
