QuestionQUESTION: Me and my boyfriend (tom) knew each other for a few years before we got together. Reason he waited to tell me how he really felt was because I was too young. Thing is, I always had feelings for Tom. However, before we got together, his brother (Jo) begged me to hang out, and he ended getting me wasted drunk. He ended up touching me. I didn't sexually touched him, but I acted like a drunken animal and I did lead him on because, I used to like messing with guys heads. That was a horrible mistake and I didn't want him to do that. Now that I am dating Tom, I feel I don't know If I am good enough for him. I mean, what really bothers me is that I always LONGED for Tom, yet, THAT had to happen with his BROTHER?! I feel so dirty.I was so young and ignorant. I love my boyfriend so passionately. DO I deserve him?
ANSWER: My opinion is that we all make mistakes, and we need to improve and get to where we need to be in life. You are good enough. You learned from the past, and if both of you are mature enough, you can have a good relationship. There may need to be some ground rules about the brother though, if he is not mature enough to have around and respect your relationship. It's possible he should only be with you when the two of you (Tom and you) are together. That is not due to anything bad on your part, just as a safeguard to show unity.
Please do not feel dirty. You're absolutely right, the way you phrased it, being "young and ignorant". You're older now and wiser.
Be the best you can be. If it involves Tom, great. Just make sure that you are who you need to be in life, and you can then be proud and happy.
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QUESTION: The thing that makes it really bad though is that it is his brother. To this day, I feel sick to my stomach that I was "touched" by my boyfriends brother. I can't live with this. Every day I get stomach pains because this burden will not leave me. I love my boyfriend too much to accept that this happened with his brother. Thank you for answering me. However, I find that I probably will never be able to be happy ever again because of this. I feel so wrong. Thank you for listening.
AnswerYou have to allow yourself to forgive yourself. Then you will feel the freedom needed to go on.
If you need counseling, please pursue that with a good compassionate counselor.
My advice is that if you forgive yourself, it will not let you forget what happened, but will let you be ready for the new start that your conscience needs in life.
God can forgive you, and you can forgive yourself.
I wish you the very best.
