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Title: HOW WELL DO KNOW YOUR PARTNER? Author: Dave Turo-Shields,
ACSW, LCSW Email: mailto:[email protected]
copyright: by Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW Web Address:
http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com Word Count: 692 Category:
Relationships
How Well Do You Know Your Partner?
For my birthday last year my wife made up a beautifully framed
picture of my name, and then underneath it she listed 32
positive qualities I possess. Needless to say, it was one of the
finest gifts I have ever received. Some of the qualities even
taught me about me. After that wonderful gift, my wife, son and
daughter (kids are 6 and 4 years old) put together a similar
“Greatest Daddy” list for Father’s Day last year that warms my
heart to this day. It lists both behaviors and personal traits
of me as a father.
Today’s topic is around this very thing… how well do you know
your partner and how well are you known by your partner? Usually
there’s a passionate fire early in the relationship, which
brings a desire to know everything about your new partner that
there is to know. This is wonderful and a great way in which to
become acquainted with one another. All good beginnings usually
have many question and answer sessions. As you come to know each
other at deeper and deeper levels, you become close friends.
There’s a dangerous myth (maybe more than one!) floating around
about couples. It’s once you know all there is about him or her,
that’s all there is to know. The truth is that you grow, adapt
and change all the time. We all do. Unfortunately, unless you
and your partner take time to know one another as you grow over
time, you lose touch with who your partner is. This leads to a
sense of disconnection, and the distance which follows, can cost
you your friendship. A couple’s friendship is vital to the
long-term survival and quality of the relationship.
Today is a primer for becoming re-acquainted with each other.
It’s not for scuffing, only for fun. Take time to answer each of
the questions below and set a date… yeah, that’s right – A DATE,
and plan to share your answers with each other over a nice
evening out somewhere.
1. If my partner suddenly inherited a decent fortune what would
they want to do?
2. What does my partner value most in life?
3. What are my partner’s religious beliefs?
4. What does my partner worry about the most?
5. What are my partner’s 3 most favorite movies and rock groups?
6. Can my partner list the relatives I like the least?
7. Does my partner know who my best friends are?
8. Could your partner tell you in detail what his/her first
reaction was to you when you met?
9. Can your partner tell you what you stress over the most?
10. Is your partner your best friend?
The fall from friendship to disillusionment usually begins 2-3
years after marriage. Folks often are bewildered, saying, “What
happened?” My wife and I can tell you from experience, both
personal and professional, that a big part of what happens is
what doesn’t happen after that first year or two together. Once
you feel you know all there is to know about your partner,
conversations slow down and become more challenging. You stop
asking questions, or you stop giving meaningful answers. This is
when the “work” of marriage begins. It takes effort and interest
to continue to ask, even when you think you already know the
answer!
The great part is that you are not static, unchanging
individuals. Your interests change as well as friendships; some
friendships fade away and other new ones begin and flourish. New
hobbies are discovered. Children may be added to make a family.
Now the center of the relationship revolves around the babies.
Babies teach you things you could have never learned had they
not come along. You experience a new level of sacrifice, sleep
for one! And you discover how you thought about parenting may
really be different than how you are actually doing it.
See, you are always in a state of growth. The same questions
asked today may bring fresh responses as you each grow. Continue
to build your relationship into one of the best friendships you
have. I may call it “work” but it’s the best work you can do for
the happiness of the relationship.