QuestionMy 17yr old daughter informed me that she was pregnant by a boyfriend who is 21yrs old. My daughter is an honor role student and is going to college after she graduates. She has decided to keep the baby. The boyfriend says he will support her but he has no job, is deep in debt and is not close to his parents, so how can he support her? She is 7 weeks pregnant and I have suggested to her that she seek an abortion but she would rather have the baby and give it up for adoption but then stated "how can I live knowing that my baby is out there somewhere". She is adamant in keeping this baby but she is so not ready to have a baby and is very immature. I suggested to her to have the abortion, go back to school, graduate, then go on to college. In the future if she wants to have babies, first get a stable relationship with someone who loves her and will stand by her and the baby. She had everything here at home with me and her father and wanted for nothing. I refuse to raise her child as I know this is the only way for her to survive. She has no job, no money, no car but I refuse to accept the fact that she wants to keep the baby when she can't even take care of herself. I know it is her choice but in my opinion the wrong one. I have tried talking to her and her boyfriend. She says I want the baby but doesn't know why and the boyfriend states that it is his baby and will take care of my daughter and the baby but how? He is a loser. I am sick over this that my daughter is throwing away her wonderful future by having this baby. I am at my wit's end on how to handle this situation. Please don't tell me to tell her to have the baby and I will raise it as I won't. SHE HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER OWN ACTIONS!
AnswerHi Maggie :)
I would never suggest for you to tell her to have the baby and that you'll raise it. You have no obligation to raise someone else's child. If she doesn't want an abortion, then it's probably best she not have one. If she has one against her feelings and beliefs, she could have an extremely difficult time afterward. Could you sit down with them, or her, and make a list of the things a baby needs, the average price, and how they plan on paying? Do they plan on childcare-and how would they pay? And things like that. Even though it most likely won't change her mind, it will still prepare them for the huge financial and emotional shock they're likely to get. You could meet with an adoption counselor-just once, and see how she feels. However, adoption can be a traumatic experience for the birth mother.
When it comes down to it: Make sure she knows you will not be raising the baby. Whatever they need, they must get themselves. If she lives with you and brings the baby there, don't get up when it cries, etc. You don't want to raise it-and you don't have to.
