QuestionQUESTION: Hi, i have something to ask you about abortion or in other
terms medical termination. I had to go for a medical
termination as it was an unplanned pregnancy and also with
the thought that pregnancy with in the 3 months of marriage
is too early. Inspite of the painful emotional suffering i
had to do this as me and my husband had not planned for it.
And then we thought to have a planned pregnancy after a
year or so so that we can have time for one another and
also we would be financially good enough to take care of
the kid. Unfortunately, with in three months of my
abortion, I came to know that am a pregnant with the home
pregnancy test and now i am seriously depressed to go for
an abortion thinking that it might affect my plan for
pregnancy in the future and also due to the cultural and
moral issues.
And i have gone through various some other information that
abortion or in other words medical termination might leave
a scar in the vagina.. leading to some syndrome which would
make a women unfit for pregnancy or might lead to
miscarriages.
Please reply me as soon as possible. I am really worried
now. I am even scared to get worried as it might affect the
growth of the fetus inside my vagina.
Could you please suggest me what to do for this very big
problem of mine to be solved? i was suppose to get periods
on 26th of october but dint get it yet. I tried the home
pregnancy test and that gave me a positive result. What to
do??? I still believe that i am a sinner for committing the
medical termination before, and now I would be considered
not to be forgiven ever in my life time. Please help me out
of this.
ANSWER: Hello, s,
You are thinking of lots of different issues, but I'll try to respond to each.
First, I don't offhand see why you needed to have an abortion because you had gotten pregnant when you and your husband had been married for only three months. Do you think the emotional suffering you had was worth it? Please think about this carefully.
What kind of cultural issues are involved here?
Financial help is available. I don't know what country you live in, but I have contacts in most countries with agencies that can be helpful.
Abortion is dangerous. You could have suffered medical damage from the first one. Having another one is asking for trouble. It could easily prevent you from ever having a normal pregnancy and a normal child. Unfortunately, serious consequences can happen to anyone.
It is true that abortion can damage the cervix, which can lead to miscarriages. If you took pills to produce an abortion, this may or may not be the cause of such damage.
Babies grow in the uterus, not the vagina.
Let me know what city you live in or near, and I will see if I can find a contact there who will help you.
Yes, abortion is a sin. That said, we are all sinners, and our sins are equally evil in the eyes of God. God WILL forgive you if you sincerely repent, but one of the things to remember is that if you want God's forgiveness, you should not do it again. If you do, it may show that you are not truly sorry. I am just as much of a sinner as you, and I am assured of God's forgiveness because Jesus died for all our sins.
I will be here to support you.
You may never conceive another child. This may be the only one you can give birth to. We don't know. Why take a chance? We'll find a better answer for you.
Don't worry so much about the finances. These are fickle, and you can think you have plenty of money, and then you don't, or you could feel you don't have enough, and later learn that you will be OK. We had some very serious financial difficulties, but we raised seven children, and they never went hungry. I can talk to you about practical issues and help you find a better way. God tends to provide for those who take care of His children. This child is a gift from God.
As for spending time with your husband, well, I don't know what to say to that. A marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime. We had our first child when we had been married a few months over a year, so it was about the same timing as in your case. And we have been married for 44 years, and our marriage keeps getting sweeter. If you love each other and cherish each other, then a child is the fruit of your love. Hurting your own child can cause marital problems. Our oldest son got married somewhat late in life, and they knew they would have to have a baby right away. She was pregnant within two months. The baby is now several months old. And they're doing fine, also. It isn't about how much time you have together. It's about whether you cherish each other. If your husband cherishes you, he won't want you to take such a risk with your own body. Discuss it with him. Find out all you can about pregnancy, abortion, what it does to the baby, and about the development of your baby. The more you know, the happier you will be with whatever you decide to do. But it is better to learn as much as you can while you can still change your mind, before you make a decision you can't take back. Just keep in mind that your baby already has a heartbeat, and a working nervous system, and your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby and your marriage. Stay safe!
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you so much for all the support u are giving me. I am
not at all interested to do this at all and now u gave me
the ideal solution for this. And now please clarify my his
very doubt. I underwent an abortion just three months ago
and now i am a pregnant. So , will it affect the growth of
my this baby? Please advice me.
ANSWER: Dear s,
I'm glad my answer was helpful.
There is a slight chance your abortion will affect your baby; it cannot be ruled out. However, nobody really knows at this point. The long term consequences include things that won't affect your baby. For example, it will make you much more prone to breast cancer. If you have a history of breast cancer in your family, it will be a virtual certainty. But having a baby and breastfeeding for awhile will help.
If you give birth to your baby and learn that he or she has a defect you can't handle, you can choose adoption. There are waiting lists of people willing to adopt a disabled baby. There are also many, many resources available for a disabled child, at least in this country. Since you haven't told me where you live, I can't comment on the country you might live in.
There have been too many times when prenatal testing was done, and the results were wrong. Often, when a woman decides to carry a baby who is said to have a defect, it is learned that the baby is perfect.
Worry about whether or not your baby will be perfect is something I think all women go through to some extent. It's normal to be concerned. Life has risks. But God always gives grace when He gives one of His special children to a family.
My sister has a son with Down syndrome. She refused prenatal testing because she said she would never have an abortion anyway. Her son has been an incredible blessing to all of us, and God knew what He was doing when He gave him to my sister. I was actually jealous. But her family was having some problems with their relationships, and he pretty much healed all that. He loves unconditionally, and if you want to measure love IQ, his is in the stratosphere. Not only that, but his language skills are incredible. He tested with the language skills of a five year old when he was only 3 1/2. There aren't as many resources for this as there should be, but he was immersed in a world rich with language. Last time I visited him, I started teaching him German and Spanish, and he loved it!
Please be encouraged. God doesn't make mistakes.
Eat a healthy diet, and take your vitamins. Get a reasonable amount of rest. You'll both be fine.
Any time you need to talk, I will be here for you.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: thanks a lot but still could you get my doubt clarified...
please.. by the answer you have given me, i understood that
my previous abortion might affect my baby.... right???
please i donot want that.... I am much more worried now....
I know what is downs syndrome... and i even saw children
with it. i want my baby to be hail and healthy. Please
advice me...
Answers,
There are no guarantees in life. Women who have never had an abortion have babies with problems. And women who have had abortions have healthy children. Down syndrome is not caused by a previous abortion. It is a genetic defect.
None of us wants our children to have problems. This is normal and to be expected. But the child you have right now is the child you have, whether perfect or not. In reality, all of us have defects. But some are more troublesome than others. And children with obvious defects are usually much happier than the rest of us. People forget to ask the child how he feels about life, but most children say they would rather be alive than to be killed.
The most serious defects will cause the baby to die young. Less serious defects can often be detected prenatally, but like I said, there is no guarantee the tests will be right. If I recall correctly, you have indicated you want children. You will be taking the chance that any child you have has a problem, just as we ALL do. And the more abortions you have, the more likely your child will have a defect caused by abortion itself.
Some doctors try to guarantee that a baby will be perfect, and they cause a lot of damage to mothers and their babies. They are trying to avoid a lawsuit. Don't go there! Instead, pray to God for His strength. The odds your baby will be "perfect" are very high. More importantly, if you want God's forgiveness for your first abortion, you need to NOT do it again!
I can't tell you anything else. No matter what you do, you will be taking the same risks as the rest of us, and like I said, you can choose adoption if your baby has a defect you can't handle.
And the other consideration is that abortion could cause you serious harm or even kill you. It's not worth the risk.
Just lean on God. Worry is natural, but prayer is MUCH better.
May the Lord bless you.
