QuestionQUESTION: I had an abortion about 10 months ago, an I still fear for my fertility that sometimes I want to end my life.. I was coerced so it never really was my decision to do such a terrible thing.
Anyway it was a surgical ab.. n I worry am I okay.. Im engaged. I have a norma; 28 day cycle.. but I still worry aybe something is stillw rong because I cnt fall pregnant again.. Dont know if u can help with this, but please consider if u can:
They say a 28 day cycle ovulates on the 14th day.. well, my cycle started Feb 26th so the 14th day was March 11th.. I had unprotected sex the 3rd, 5th, 6th, 8th, 11th, which is ovulation day, 12th, 13th, 15th and 18th,19th n 20th n I am now due for af n three days.. but I have this crampy sensation n feel i didnt succeed.. so maybe something is wrong... Do you think so or cud I have succeeded this time?.. Im sooo worried Im bein gpunished for something I was made to do.. Help me. Im torn apart..
ANSWER: Hello, Kenyada,
I am so sorry this happened to you. I don't have a long time to write right now, but I did want to let you know that I am praying for you. Please don't consider ending your life! Please. God loves you, and so do I.
It is true ovulation normally happens about as you said, counting from the beginning of your last period. It happens 14 days before your next period will begin. It will help if you learn to tell when you are fertile. You need to chart faithfully, and you can't be using any hormones. For more information, go here:
http://www.fertilityuk.org/
Then you can time sex for when you are fertile.
You may well be inhibiting yourself by having sex before you are married. Clearly, you have some serious emotional issues to address, and these could be preventing conception. You probably don't feel safe or comfortable getting pregnant before marriage under the circumstances.
It is possible you will no longer ever get pregnant. But only time will tell. And there may be some reasons that can be addressed. For example, a surgical abortion can cause scar tissue to form over the openings of the Fallopian tubes, which will prevent fertilization. It can also cause tubal pregnancy, so if you do get pregnant, and you start to feel pain, you should seek medical care immediately. But if there is scar tissue in that area, it can probably be treated.
I have to go do some errands now. Please respond, and I'll write more this evening. I want to get into how you feel in more depth. If you haven't responded, I will add to this answer, so in that case, check back later this evening. Please take care, and I'll talk to you later.
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QUESTION: So, is it possible that even if my cycle is a ormal 28 day, I can still possibly have scar tissue or PCOS or Pelvic Inflammatory disease?? I just dnt want this to be for me.. I wanted my child more than anything.. N I just couldn take having to live with I had a chance n ruined it.... I cnt.. I know I cnt take that...
ANSWER: Hi, Kenyada,
I had to sleep for awhile, so you'll see this, probably in the morning.
It is critically important that you live. Seriously. If you don't, this means TWO tragedies, not just one. I am going to offer some thoughts that I hope you will take to heart.
God knows the sorrow you are experiencing, and He wants to heal your heart. Go to God and ask Him to comfort you. Read the Psalms. I think some of them will help. God made you, and He has a plan for your life. Your baby is safe in His arms, and is waiting for you to join him or her, but you can't do that if you take your life.
What I am suggesting is that it is possible that you may be unable to conceive right now because you're not married. It creates a tension because of your background of having to endure an abortion you didn't want. Is your partner willing to marry you? Or are you already married?
Here is a web site I want you to see:
http://silentnomoreawareness.org/
These are beautiful people, many of whom have been through exactly the same thing you have. And many of them were lied to. One of the things they do is speak to other women so these other women can avoid the pain and anguish they have experienced. There are organizations all over the United States that will help you to heal emotionally and spiritually from your abortion. There is one close to you, no matter where you live. To find it, go to this web site:
http://www.pregnancycenters.org/
They have counseling and programs available that are run by women who have experienced abortion, and they also have lots of hugs.
Allow yourself to feel a sense of outrage at what was done to you. The person who coerced you deserves your outrage, and so does the abortionist, because he didn't find out if this is what you wanted. Feeling this outrage is an important step in healing. These people took something precious away from you. Eventually, it will be important for you to forgive them, but you aren't ready for that.
Once a man I didn't know tried to coerce and trick me into an abortion. When I found out what he had done, I had nightmares for months. I wanted to sue him for the emotional anguish he caused me. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do that for legal reasons, but when I was able to think it through, I wrote him a long letter and told him about God's forgiveness for doing abortions. I also wrote about what he did to me, and how I reacted. I think the letter was something like 7 pages long. I sent it with a return receipt request, and I know he got it. He never responded. But he stopped doing abortions not long after that. I got my revenge! :)
Go to God and ask for His comfort. He will give it to you.
As far as having a baby is concerned, nobody knows whether you will be able to have another baby or not. The consensus is that if a woman hasn't conceived within a year, she should become concerned. Give yourself time. Go ahead and have your body checked out by a decent doctor (obviously not the one who provided the abortion). You can find a good doctor by going to the organization in your area. They have excellent doctors, and offer many services for free.
Now suppose that for some reason you are unable to have another child. I realize that this is early in your grieving, but I want you to give some serious thought to adopting a child. Adoption is a very good alternative if you can't have your own child. There are children out there who need you. It may be more difficult, but maybe not more expensive, given the cost of having a baby these days. The organization in your area can also tell you about this; there are women who come to them who place their children for adoption. I have two adopted children, and I love them just as much as my other children. I was able to breastfeed both, so even though I didn't personally grow them from scratch, they are also part of my body. If you would like information on how to breastfeed an adopted baby, let me know. I can explain how to do it. La Leche League can also help you.
PLEASE hang in there. Take one day at a time, or even one hour at a time if you need to. You can make it through this day. You don't know that you can't have a child.
Write to me any time you need to talk. Don't worry about them saying not too many messages. If they want to stop you from sending a message, just start a new discussion. I will be here for you. I may be gone a few days in the near future, but I am going to try to arrange to make sure I can still get on the internet and respond. If I can't arrange that, you should write to the woman who runs this web site:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/unplanned_pregnancy_help/
She is a beautiful, loving person I have known for several years, and she will certainly be willing to write to you as well, and it wouldn't hurt for you to talk to both of us. Somehow, you need to get past this feeling of not wanting to live. Seriously. It would hurt a lot of people. And some of them don't deserve to be hurt. Think of your baby never getting to meet you as well. Please take care of yourself! Please. I love you, and I want you to live, and get revenge by living. It would hurt me if you take your own life. Maybe this doesn't make any sense, but please just trust me that this is so. Make something of your life. Help someone else. I'll write to you again soon. I wish I could hug you, but a cyber hug will have to do. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kenyada}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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QUESTION: Yes, he is willing to marry me, but I keep calling it off because I refuse to marry him if I cnt give him another baby. He was hurt as well by this. But he is so strong n i am so weak... I just dnt see life being precious when what was precious was taken from me..... I dt know how people live with it. But my mom never thought about how it wud ruin me I had hyperemesis G n I was too weak to protect my chld from her. I cnt forgive myelf for that.. then not being able to ever have a child of my own throws salt on the wound.. Thanks for ur help.. but Im really tired of hurting..so... thanks again
AnswerHello, Kenyada,
What I am trying to tell you is that trying to have a baby before marriage, because you are already hurting from your abortion, and your body may not respond by allowing you to get pregnant until you are actually married. He knows of your problem, and he wants to marry you anyway. Please accept! Babies should be born inside of marriage. Truly. It is better for the child to be raised in a family with a married couple that is made of people who cherish each other. Once you are married, then you can try to get pregnant and see what happens. And I assure you that when a man makes a commitment to love and cherish, then there are ways to provide children for the marriage. Another is through foster care. Foster care can be very difficult, but also very rewarding. I know of a number of lives that were turned around because they had a good foster mother. We don't know whether you can have a child, but trying for one month and not succeeding really doesn't prove anything at all.
Life is precious because God says it is. God made you, and He loves you so much He died for you. You belong to Him, and you shouldn't try to take His beautiful child away from Him by harming yourself. He wants you in heaven with Him, not with the being that causes evil in the world. God has already paid for your abortion, Please go to God and ask for His forgiveness. Please. He is ready to forgive you right now, and He wants to forgive you. I realize forgiving yourself is much harder, but it is possible. When you learn to trust in God's forgiveness, then it becomes possible. That's why I said to go to the organization in your area. These are women who HAVE forgiven themselves. They know how to help you forgive yourself as well.
Hyperemesis can be a serious problem. However, it can be treated. If you went to the doctor and the doctor failed to help you with a medication for it, then he was negligent. Another remedy that helps some women is to sip ginger ale or ginger tea (that should be ginger ale with real sugar, not an artificial sweetener). I can tell you from personal experience it can be very effective. When I had my surgery, the doctor told me I would be unable to eat for 24 hours because I would vomit from the anesthesia. I asked for ginger ale, and I put the contents of a ginger capsule in it (be sure and drink some first!) and drank that (sipping), and by the time the next meal came around a couple of hours later, I was able to eat it with no problem. When you can eat, get enough protein. It will help even out your blood sugar and help with the vomiting. Obviously, if you do get pregnant again, you will need to be able to control the hyperemesis.
I have already emailed the other woman I recommended, so she knows about you.
Please keep in touch so I know you are all right. I am seriously worried about you, especially the way you are talking. You're not even giving yourself a chance. Take one hour at a time, and ask God to sustain and comfort you. You are in my prayers.
