Crafting a Recruitment Letter for a Bride's Spa Day

Question
My daughter is getting married in November, and the usual party that our local town and friends endorses is a dance after the rehearsal dinner. I have had 20 or more couples express their desire to help with giving this party. My daughter however would prefer not to have a dance, and would like a more intimate gathering of herself, her mother, the mother of the groom, and her maid of honor in the form of a 'spa day'. Normally, a close friend of the family sends out a 'recruitment letter' to the couples who have expressed an interest in helping, but we really do not know how to word this request, as it is not a function that everyone would be invited to, and it is more private. I feel that they would support this idea, because it is what the bride wants, but do not want to come across in the letter as being selfish or 'picky' about what she would like to have. Can you help me with the wording? It actually would be a lot less money per couple for this spa day when compared to a dance. Thank you so much!! Susan

Answer
Hi Susan,
Every area has different customs, which are appropriate to them, but may seem unusual to others.   What makes this situation slightly awkward is that when friends host an event, they are usually also invited to it, or at least while preparing the food and hosting it, they are enjoying the party and the excitement.  In this case of having a "spa day" for the bride, her close friend and the two moms -- it's like saying, "We want a private party, you're not invited, but you are welcome to chip in and pay for it."  I can't think of any way to word something like this.  Even though it would be less expensive for the hosts, it just would not be appropriate.  If the bride doesn't want the traditional local dance after the rehearsal dinner, would she perhaps want a couples shower, a garden shower, or just a party that isn't tied to the rehearsal dinner.  I would love to give you flowery prose for the request, but cannot think of anyway to do so without seeming selfish or "picky".  I'm sure when you visit with your daughter, she can think of something that she would enjoy that your dear friends would love to host!
Best Regards,
Brenda C.,
www.GraciousBridal.com