For most of you being a mother is one of the most wonderful and
rewarding experiences that you will have in your life. It can
also be a time when you feel lost and out of touch with who you
are outside of being a “mommy”. Maintaining an identity outside
of your children is vitally important, not just for you, but for
your family as well. So here are ten strategies that not only
keep you connected with you, but also have the added bonus of
being an important life skill to teach your children.
1. Be present- Often when we spend time with our children
we are thinking about the things that we should be doing or we
multi task and we are not really present with them. Then, when
we are not with them, we feel guilty. Make the decision that
when you spend time with your child to just be there for them,
enjoy them, listen to them, and focus on them 100%. Spending
this type of quality time with your child will lessen the guilt
and help you focus on other activities with the same 100%
attention. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to focus on
and enjoy the moment.
2. Take care of yourself-
This is a big one for most women since we get so busy caring for
others we tend to forget about ourselves. Define what taking
care of yourself means to you and develop a schedule to do it.
Keep tweaking your schedule until you are actually fitting
taking care of yourself into the day. Taking care of yourself
helps to replenish your spirit, it helps you to relax, and it
helps you to feel good about yourself. Added Bonus:
Teaches your child to develop healthy habits that will last a
lifetime.
3. Connect with you partner- It is so
easy to get wrapped up in the kids and in everyday life that you
forget about your relationship with your partner. Connect with
your partner as often as you can, make a point to sit down over
coffee on a Sunday morning and just talk about anything and
everything, but the kids. It can be silly or profound, just make
sure you connect with each other as a couple. Added
Bonus: Teaches your child how to maintain a healthy
relationship.
4. Get involved- Get involved in
some activity that is only for you. It can be work,
volunteering, a class, or a book club. Just get involved in some
regular activity where you are not a wife or a mommy, you are
just you. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to
participate in outside activities.
5. Have
meaningful conversations- Sometimes when you have children
your day gets so caught up with “kid stuff” that you can’t
remember the last time you had a meaningful adult conversation.
Have you ever felt frustrated, aggravated and on edge and then
gone out to a long dinner with a friend and felt like a new
woman at the end of the night? That is why it is important to
have meaningful conversations. Added Bonus: Teaches your
child to get their needs met by more than one person.
6. Read- Who has time to read? We all do. It doesn’t have
to be a long time, and reading is a great way to be
intellectually stimulated. It exposes us to different subjects
and new ideas, even when it is a light and fluffy read. Staying
intellectually stimulated is important because it keeps us in
touch with what we find exciting and gets those brain cells
snapping. . Added Bonus: Teaches your child to seek out
and appreciate knowledge.
7. Take time for just you- Make sure you get some get
some quality time for just you. It can be anything you want from
spending time with a friend, to getting a manicure, or just
being by yourself. Just do something that is only for you, it
will fill you up and refresh you. You will feel like a new woman
after you are done. . Added Bonus: Encourages your child
to be independent.
8. Remember that you have needs
too- We have needs, and it is our responsibility to get them
met. If you’re feeling frustrated, or unappreciated, instead of
walking around feeling angry and misunderstood, figure out a way
to get those needs met. Talk about them, ask for support, and be
specific. And remember most people can’t read minds so you have
to communicate with them to get those needs met. Added Bonus:
Teaches your child how to effectively meet their own needs.
9. Give yourself permission- Why do we feel like
bad mothers for wanting to do something for ourselves? Every
woman who I have ever talked to that wants to express an
unhappiness about being a mother feels the need to qualify it by
saying “Well, of course I love my child more than anything in
the world but…”. Of course you do, but it doesn’t mean that you
can’t be unhappy about the way something is going or how you
feel. This is how you feel right now, there is nothing wrong
with that, you’re a normal mother. Give yourself permission to
feel the way you do and do something for yourself to feel
better. Even if that means stepping back from your child for a
couple of hours. . Added Bonus: Teaches your child to
recognize and healthily deal with their emotions.
10. Be a role model- When you ask most parents what they
want most for their children they say that they want them to be
happy and successful contributing adults. The very best way to
ensure that comes true for your child is to be a role model. If
you want your child to be confident, get their needs met, be
sure of who they are, and happy with their life, just remember
that they learn that from you. . Added Bonus: Teaches
your child to act with integrity.
Being a mother in
today’s modern world is tricky business. We are bombarded all
day long with messages of what makes a “good mother”. Just
forget all that, and be true to you. Being joyful, present, and
authentically you is the very best gift you can give to yourself
and your child.