Cohabiting Couples: Navigating Life as Husband & Wife Without a Wedding

Question
My 'husband' and I have been living together going on 5 years now. I say husband, but we have never officially tied the knot. Not that we are afraid to, we consider ourselves married and present ourselved as husband and wife. What is keeping us from a wedding? The cost. And the whole wedding thing in general.

My husband and I have no intrest in planning or paying for a wedding. We have no intrest in the religious aspect, or in the whole ceremony or production in general.

But I feel like my family would be disappointed if we just went down to a courthouse and eloped.

So my question is this, who is the wedding for exactly anyways? Is it for the couple to publically express their love and commitment, or is it equally for families so dad's can walk daughters down the isle, and sisters can be maids of honor, and mother's can be proud of their daughters on their wedding day? Should I feel bad if I don't have some sort of ceremony for my family where we say "I do" and put rings on eachothers fingers?

I don't really want to do all that, neither does my husband. My parents are more traditional and conservative, however, and I feel like I am going to disappoint them. So who is the wedding for, really?

I dunno, I am torn on the whole issue. Any advice?  

Answer
Dear hotcakes,

Thank you for your patience. Weddings, in my opinion are a celebration of a commitment. I too am not religious, or married and have been cohabitating for 12 of 14 years with my "husband". You are not making a commitment to your your "husband's" dad or relative and vice versa, you are making an emotional, legal and financial commitment to your significant other.

Sure your family may be disappointed but you have, already, a reasonable list of why not and none of them have to do with any personal problems between you and your partner.

When you feel, and if you feel, like sharing your joy of your relationship with friends and relatives and then have a "commitment party" or legal marriage then go ahead. Until then an explanation to your friends and family who pester you about it- can be said as...you are commited to one another and look forward to sharing your lives with each other...when, and if you feel that the legal and financial aspect of marriage would benefit the two of YOU, you may then decide to tie the proverable knot.

Check out unmarried.org for more info that may be helpful. The only thing I would mention is that because you are not legally married you do not have certain rights- unmarried.org will ahev more info on that.

I hope this was helpful.