Planning a Surprise 40th Birthday Party: A Husband's Dilemma

Question
My wife is 40 this year and has talked all year about a party.  My wife has several friends but they aren't what you'd really call close friends - my wife has to make all the running, phoning them, organizing things - they never phone her or organize anything.  When talking about the party I expressed a concern that I wondered whether all of these people would turn up as they can be unreliable.   I really wanted to spare her the pain of organizing this party and not many people showing up.  Of course she is now depressed and questioning whether these people are her friends or not.  Clearly I screwed up in my attempt to communicate my concern.  My question is should I just keep quiet about my concerns and just unquestioningly support what she wants to do, tone down what I'm trying to say to avoid her getting upset or stick with telling it as I see it?

Answer
Hi Paul~

I think you need to be somewhere in between both of these.  Let me elaborate what I mean exactly.  You should certainly be sensitive to her wants/needs, but at the same time being open and honest with her.  For example: say something like "Honey, I know that you'd love to invite all your friends, but I'm concerned that you may be let down, if they don't all show up for whatever reason or another.  And I hate to see you sad and disappointed when/if they don't come; b/c I know how hard you've worked to put this all together and organize your party.  But I will support you in whatever decision you make.  I want you to be happy and have a wonderful birthday, is all."  And leave it at that, so she can decide whom she wants to invite, etc.  If they don't show up you can console her and empathize with her.  But at least you told her your feelings on this, and somewhat prepared her for what might be to come.  I hope that made some sort of sense.