QuestionHi,
My name is dawn and I am a 33 year old female, with an excellent job, great husband, and a bright and aspiring young son of 14. My problem; I am tremendously unhappy in my marriage and feel like I stay in it to help my son get through these last couple of years and also to just keep my husband content.
My husband and I got involved @ 16 and had our son at 18. You can imagine the years of garbage we have been through. He left me at 4 or 5 months pregnant to be with another woman. I have repeatedly left the relationship due to his lack of dedication to us. Wether it was not committing to a great job or moving us out of his families home, I looked for love in other men to open doors to get me out of there. The straw that broke our relationship was when he started doing cocaine. The violence, lies, abuse, etc destroyed our relationship. I kicked him out and managed the home without him for a year. After that, he chose to get help and I helped him by providing a roof for him to recover. He has been success..........Clean for over 7 years. Hes got a great job, doenst drink, comes home every night.....so why. I think I just want to be in love with someone I am attracted to. To me, he is not really attractive anymore. It seems like the years of garbage have destroyed my feelings. Our time apart, I was involved with other men and I enjoyed it. Now I find myself interested in other men. I am so tempted to move on. I have tried it last year but it just cause to much pain. Both my husband and son made me feel every bit of pain. I stay because of their guilt trip. I plan on leaving once my son is off to college in 3 years......but part of me wants out now....
Do you think this is the right thing?
How many times can I try to get those feelings back?
My husband says this will just happen in my next relationship.....the love will die out...but I dont believe that.....
What do you think?
AnswerDear Dawn,
You need to make a decision and you basically have three options. One is to leave your husband and your son and to be prepared for some hardships since this will be hard on everybody. You can meet another man, fall deeply in love, then you may or may not enjoy spending the rest of your life with him. After the initial "in love period", Your relationship will most likely change into a love-friendship in which you may find yourself becoming this way again. The second choice is to put any negative thoughts out of your mind and make the solid choice to stay with your husband. Decide for absolute positivity that you will be with him until the day one of you dies. The third choice is to divorce your husband and meet other men, but to never get married or have another long relationship again. You could go from man to man and fall in and out of love without any definite solid relationship. The last of the three may seem to fit you if your the type that loves to live with excitement. If this is the case, you are not alone. The majority of married couples come to feel like there is something more for them out there. As they get older, they believe that they had better do something now before it is too late. There is a mad rush and mass confusion because they feel that something must be done soon. They do not remember to let fate decide their destiny. So many try to control the patterns in their life, they get swept away with it and miss out on the important lessons life has to offer. Both married women and men get bored in the relationship and they dream of having a much more fun and passionate life. They begin to dream so much about it, they eventually want to pursue it so they look for avenues to find that adventure they explored in their dreams. Many times, once a man or woman finds what they are looking for, after awhile, they remember the wonderful life they had; they go back to get that life back and it is too late. They have already done the damage. Their husband/wife has already moved on, they have met another person, the children are upset, hurt and very angry because of the turmoil the one spouse had gone through since their one parent had left the other. You will never be able to have what you had once you leave. You may also be miserable all your life since the people you truly love do not trust you anymore or will hold a grudge on you forever more. This is very common between married couples. They get caught up in the monotonous daily routine and they become extremely bored. The best thing for a couple such as this, is to do something together that is fulfilling. Do something to help others, open a business together, get into a hobby together, such as, bike riding, fixing up cars or houses, traveling, hiking, photography, ballroom dancing, etc. There are numerous activities to do together to bring spice back into your life. You can also make a plan just for you to feel good within yourself, such as, get a makeover, start an exercise routine, get an extra job or volunteer so that you can be around others that you enjoy. If you do stick around and try with your husband, you must not talk about how miserable you are. Do not talk with your husband, friends, family or even yourself. This will kill anything that you are working towards. Try to think positively, put a happy face on and see what it brings you. You have three years to make a change within yourself and your family, so put those three years to good use and at least you can say you never tried!
Good luck and take care,
Kiya
