QuestionHi,
My name is Felix. I'm 30 years old. I just married last year. During this married life, i can not make a good relationship with my wife. We always have a debate, almost everyday.
What should i do?
First, I want to tell that actually me and my wife both are in a good shape. I always love her. And i also feel the same way that she love me alot too. But beside of this love, i also always feel depress everyday. When i woke up in the morning, i felt that i'm very tired. That i just wanna to quit or something like that.
What makes me feel tired is because that after work and fetch her and come back home together with her, i feel like i just wanna to relax with what i had did for all the day, playing games, or watch movie together with her. But for her, she doesnt want see me playing games, or watching movie, or relax. She wants me to clean the house together with her, or make neet all the things, and probably going out for seeing people or all other things that make me more exhausted.
That is why I always feel tired of her. As a man, i dont like say no. especially at first year of our marriage. Sometimes i told her, that i dont want to follow your idea, you do it yourself, that i want to relax, but what i get is she ignore me for whole the day, or the week.
So, please advice me how to get a good relationship with my spouse.
Thank you so much in advance.
Best regards,
Felix.
AnswerHi Felix,
You have answered your own question if you read exactly what you write to me in your message.
Let's approach it from a business standpoint first, okay? We can both as men appreciate looking at things from an angle that does not include a lot of emotion, so let's do that to start with.
Let's assume that your marriage is a business and that you and your wife are both equal partners.
Before we give you each a title, let's look at what your commitment is to the company.
For any company to work well, every director, employee, manager , etc.. must do his/her job to the best of their abilities.
In your case, here is how we can sum it up.......You like to finish your workday at 5:00, and your wife likes to continue to work because she knows that there are still things to be handled to make the company grow and progress.
You do not want to handle the issues that are important to the company and would like to quit work early. She likes to handle everything before she rests.
In any company, I dare say that your wife would be more likely to be the president and you the hourly worker, because you wish to clock in at 9 and clock out at 5.
Well, a marriage isn't a company of course, but I am sure that you can see where I am going with this.
The fact that you are tired does not take away your responsibility to contribute to the everyday tasks that are required to make a marriage (or a company ) progress.
Your problem is that you seem exhausted all the time, and that may be affecting your life in more ways than one. Let's look at that. I am 49 and they cannot keep me tied down even if they tried. You say that both you and your wife are in a good shape......I think you are having some problems with your health. Anyone who is exhausted all the time has a health problem. I would seriously take a look at that. It could be something with your blood. you are only 30 years old. you should have fire in your butt! You should be like a spinning top, unable to stop!
I can work outside for 12 hours per day, shoveling, gardening, cutting wood and I still have a lot of energy when I come back in at night. Definitely Felix, you need to get a check up to see what it wrong.
I would also like to mention that your wife is totally correct in this issue. You need to understand that she is asking you to simply participate in the every day chores. Now , unless I understood wrong, she also works every day to bring home the bacon, yes? Then what do you think would happen if she figured that you would do all these other chores? The house would be a danger zone, yes?
So, young man.........your solution is simple, yet you may not like it at first. Believe me, though......if you follow my advice, you will find that marriage is a blessing indeed!
You get to a doctor and find out what is wrong with you and fix that first of all. this will help you feel better, which in turn will allow you to not see as a chore all the things you need to do with your wife to keep your home nice and neat. You tell your wife that you will help her in any way you can to get all the chores done as rapidly and effectively as possible so that you both then can decide what to do with the balance of your time together. Negotiate!! If she wants to go visit some friends with you one night, then make a deal that the next night it is your turn to chose what you both do together.
You will find that your wife will love you more and more, and this ill eventually make you realize that marriage is a work of art..........not a gift, not a winning lottery ticket.......but a WORK of art..........it has to be worked at, ongoing and continuous.........
The day you achieve the perfect marriage, you will have elevated yourself to a level of happiness rarely seen in any of your friends and acquaintances, I assure you.
Let me tell you this.......When someone else says "I wish we had a marriage like Felix and his wife"..........the feeling you will derive from that is one that too few people have in life. Work towards that, and grow, Felix.
Relaxing can be done, but only after the work at hand has been taken care of.....It is a good habit and will carry over to your job, your love life, the way you raise your children, etc...
Felix...ask yourself this........Has anyone ever in the history of humankind been detrimentally affected by a GOOD habit?
Add to that this thought, Felix......A woman that has a man who is willing to help her with chores and also remains smiling even though he may do things he does not truly wish to do, but does them with pleasure for his wife will most definitely wish to show her appreciation for this man in many many ways. Do not think for one moment that your wife does not see when you do things to please her that she knows you do not like to do. They know, believe me. they have a sizth and a seventh and an eight sense! They also appreciate it and will love you more if you do it with a smile and make it a happy experience.
Hey, after all.........Why the heck did you get married if it wasn't to share all the great things life has to offer with someone you love? you only live once. Stop wasting your time feeling bad and exhausted and get it fixed , quickly. Those minutes, hours and days are passing by and will never come back. Enjoy them while you are able to.
Now get thineself to a medical practitioner with great haste, young man!
kind regards,
Don.
