QuestionI'm 17 and 6 weeks pregnant. I have no clue what to do. I have been with the father for 9 months, he's lovely, kind and caring and I know he'd be supportive. However I know he isn't ready, he has so much going on in his own life and I don't want to add to his stress.
Another problem is I'm terrified of telling my parents, they won't even let him stay over and have told me they would prefer for me 2 wait till I'm married to have sex, how can I explain that I've ignored them :( They'll be so disappointed and I don't think my dad will speak to me anymore.
After considering all of this I thought about having an abortion in secret, one of my best friends said he would go with me. However I've read about abortions online and I'm terrified of them and always said I would never have one.
What should I do???? Please Help ASAP!!!
AnswerHi, Laura,
I apologize for the delay getting back to you. I was having some health problems and slept most of the time since you wrote. I'm doing better.
Consider this: suppose you have a secret abortion, and you suffer a complication? Not only will your parents find out, but depending on the nature of the complication, they might have to pay for your medical care. What if the abortion kills you? Would your parents find out because they have to go identify your body?
Having a secret abortion isn't wise. Abortion is dangerous. Not only that, but it can hurt your future children. For example, if your cervix is damaged, you will be much more prone to having either miscarriage or very premature births. Very early prematurity is a leading cause of cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and autism. It can also make you much more likely to develop breast cancer, especially if you have a history of breast cancer in your family. This goes for all types of abortions. And if you have a history of breast cancer in your family, it makes it a virtual certainty. And sometimes abortion causes hemorrhage. I know of women who bled to death. What will your parents think if you have a hemorrhage? And a woman who has an abortion is several times as likely to die a violent death as a woman who carries to term. It can be by suicide, homicide, drug or alcohol abuse, or accident. It can cause anorexia or bulimia, and self abuse, such as cutting. A woman is six times as likely to commit suicide after abortion. I've "been there, done that". One of the women we knew became suicidal. A couple of us stayed up all night exchanging messages by internet, to keep her from doing it. I was never so scared in all my life! We have kept in touch. It has been several years, and some months ago, she said to me, my colleague at work is thinking of having an abortion. PLEASE talk her out of it! My abortion ruined my life!
I know a woman well, who had a secret abortion to hide from her family that she had been raped. It totally warped her personality; she became violent, and would lash out at people for no good reason. Her parents never found out what happened to her, but they knew that she was now this ugly, violent person, and it broke their heart. She has been in and out of mental hospitals in the nearly two decades since, and her marriage fell apart, even though her husband stuck by her for a very long time.
Don't even go there.
By now your baby already has a heartbeat, brain waves, eyes and fingers. Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby.
As for the father being ready, well, he has a child. He will either rise to the occasion and be ready by the time the baby comes, or he won't. If he isn't, you're better off without him. He knew or should have known what the risks were before he took the chances. Give him time. It takes a man longer to get used to pregnancy and the coming baby. Like us, he has to experience the evidence for himself. We experience it much sooner than the man does. He has to see changes in the mother's body, hear a heartbeat, see an ultrasound, or feel movement. This usually happens, at the earliest, in the second trimester. This is long after most abortions are done.
As a mother, I know what it's like to have a child turn against my teaching. It's not pleasant. However, in each case, the child has come back to my teachings, sooner or later. I also have experienced what it's like for one of my children to have a baby out of wedlock. I have eight grandchildren, and that grandchild is no different from any of the others. He is just as precious. I thanked his mother for protecting him and letting us be part of his life. And there have been other problems. Of course, it breaks my heart. That said, I can think of worse things. It isn't surprising that our children do things we didn't teach them to do. especially these days. But we forgive them and keep loving them. Your parents have every right to be upset, and again, give them time. Most parents become very supportive in the end.
You can receive help with each of the problems you face, including telling your parents. You should find an organization in your area that will help you. You can find one by going here:
http://www.heartbeatinternational.org/worldwide_directory.asp
In the country box, the various countries in the UK are listed. Find the one you live in. There are a goodly number of them in the UK. When you get the list, click on "details" to get addresses and phone numbers.
I will be here for you no matter what. Please take care of yourself and your baby, and stay safe!
PS Thank you for the note and the great rating, and good luck! It won't be easy, but the things worth doing often aren't. I will pray for you. Let me know what happens. Tell your parents, if you like, that you talked to someone in their position.
