Perhaps you have heard of the recovery slogan, H.O.W. (Honest, Open, and Willing). It can be a simple guide to emotional sobriety in that honesty allows us to take responsibility for our lives in a way that is impossible when we are hiding in denial. Honesty builds self-esteem and integrity, and is a necessary step in any change process.
Willingness means that we might not know how to change, but we are willing to change. Sometimes we become willing out of desperation, other times out of courage or passion. No matter how we get there, willingness is the key to shifting out of old patterns and into uncharted territory.
But what does it mean to be open?
For starters, I think it means that we refrain from shutting down possibilities before they’ve had a chance to breathe. I’m often guilty of this strategy. My brain seems to instantly compute all of the possible outcomes, do a profit and loss assessment, and make a decision to NOT do something before an idea has left someone’s mouth. “No” feels like a safe choice. There’s nothing to risk and I stay in my comfort zone.
But, what if we could make a small shift from “No” to “I don’t know?” We still have the choice to opt out, but this little adjustment provides some room for curiosity. We can roam about the cabin and get more information. It’s an opportunity to try on an idea without jumping in with both feet or losing out on a potentially good thing. I’ll admit, being open often requires that we feel some big feelings and assume responsibility for navigating them. We might have to tolerate the anxiety that can arise when we “don’t know.” We might have to negotiate a third option that hasn’t been proposed. Being present to the unknown requires more attention to the moment-to-moment process, more communication, and more courage. But I believe that it is worth it!
We all love the familiar. It’s a cozy blanket that helps us to feel safe. But how many of us want more for our lives than what is cozy and familiar? Being open allows us to see pathways that can take us to the very places we want to go. Being open invites bigger and better adventures than our safety plan would allow. Being open provides solutions and options that we never see when we remain tethered to our tiny perspectives on the world at large.
So, how are you being open to all that life has to offer today?
Where might “I don’t know” take you?
One thing is for certain, it won’t be the same old story that “No” has been offering.
Ingrid Mathieu, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and author of Recovering Spirituality: Achieving Emotional Sobriety in Your Spiritual Practice.
Follow her on Twitter or Facebook for daily inspiration on achieving emotional sobriety or visit her website at www.IngridMathieu.com
Copyright by Ingrid Mathieu, Ph.D., 2012. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original on Psychology Today.