Questionplease can you help me with valid questions to ask the dad who didn't want me to have the baby and after 20 weeks i had to make this horrible decision.Somehow it just seems like he is getting a free ride, i want him to realize what he has done. I did ask him once:Why don't he feel any guilt or have any regrets about the abortion? Well his answer was:"The final decision was still yours"&"that it's just a bunch of cells" - yet he has a daughter of his own out of a previous relationship. What, is she also just a bunch of cells? It just feels like i am the only one carrying this guilt and blame and he just went on with his life. It's 2 years later and things are just not getting better. I want to have a meeting with him, but i need guidance. Can you please help me?
AnswerBelinda,
I'm sorry about what happened to you. You have every right to be outraged at the way you have been treated. That said, he isn't going to realize what he did to you. He doesn't want to. This is so typical. Guys can often walk away from this, but women can't.
I think the thing to ask yourself is what the point of a meeting would be. He has made up his mind that you didn't matter, your baby didn't matter, and he doesn't care. If he is going to realize what he did to you, he will have to do it when he gets around to it. I can't think of a THING you can do to teach him this.
The best thing you can do is let go of this. Express yourself to people who WILL listen. He wasn't worthy of you, and the sooner you let go of him and what your relationship meant at the time, the better. Seriously.
You do need some counseling, I think. You need help dealing with the guilt you are feeling. There are a couple of places you can go to get help.
This site: http://www.afterabortion.com/ is run by a woman who has had five abortions, and she thinks abortion should be legal. She has many discussion boards where women with your experiences can go to talk about what happened to them. Women can comfort each other.
This site: http://www.pregnancycenters.org/ will help you connect with a crisis pregnancy agency where you can get counseling and other services.
Being outraged is a necessary part of healing emotionally and spiritually, but you can't get stuck there and finish healing. You will need to move on to the next step. At some point, for your own peace of mind, you will have to forgive the father. Forgiveness isn't an emotion. You won't FEEL like forgiving. And forgiveness isn't about forgetting. You won't forget. It is about making the decision to accept the hurt he did to you and not strike back. As part of this process, seek God's forgiveness, and reconciliation.
Yes, you "made the decision" but he coerced you. So it's not all on your shoulders. He also bears responsibility. You also didn't know what was in store for you. Chances are, you were given faulty information, and had no idea.
But now you must go on with your life, and healing emotionally and spiritually is so important!
Feel free to come back here and talk to me any time. Take care of yourself!
Hugs.
