QuestionHello my name is Ryan and I'm 18 years old and ill be leaving for the army in august. But heres my question, i think my girlfriend is pregnant and I'm not working currently. but she doesn't want to keep it. is there anything i can do? i mean I'm like kinda scared i live in New York and the prices out here by what I've seen are high.
AnswerHi, Ryan,
Getting into the military sometimes seems to complicate things. And I will try to deal with that issue as well.
I think you are only figuring on the price up front of an abortion. There are many hidden costs that you must take into account. First of all, what if she has a complication? Then you have additional medical care to pay for. Abortion is not safe, and even though she might be lucky, she might not, and some of the complications can be severe. They can even kill her. This is compounded by the fact that a lot of abortionists don't take good care of a woman who is experiencing a complication. It's not uncommon that when a woman needs to go to the emergency room, they won't take her. They don't want to be seen with an ambulance leaving their clinic.
The medical consequences can be permanent, and can interfere with a woman's ability to have healthy children in the future. Fully one third of the women suffer permanent damage to their reproductive organs. The incidence of extreme prematurity as a result has led to a doubling in children being born with cerebral palsy, and miscarriage also increases significantly (along the order of several hundred percent increase). It can cause complications in future births, some which can kill both mother and child if an emergency Caesarian is not done (and Caesarian is the leading cause of death in birthing mothers.) Scarring of the entrance of the Fallopian tubes can cause tubal pregnancy in a future pregnancy, which is a death sentence for the baby, and necessitates surgery to save the life of the mother. And women who have never had a child are vulnerable to breast cancer in their 40's or even earlier. If the woman has a history of breast cancer in her family, it is a virtual certainty. And about 1/4 of the women who get breast cancer as a result of abortion, will die from it. And the immediate complications can include reaction to anesthesia, perforation of the uterus, hemorrhage (sometimes necessitating hysterectomy), infection (leading to infertility or death), damage to other internal organs, and so forth.
Then there are the emotional costs. First, abortion breaks up the vast majority of relationships between boyfriend and girlfriend. Women often become suicidal, start to take unnecessary chances with their lives, and turn to drink, drugs, or promiscuity. It can kill a woman's desire to achieve anything in her life. The overall death rate from violent causes in the year after abortion is several times that of the rate in women who carry to term.
Since you will be going for basic training, and will probably be deployed overseas at some point, you won't be there for her if she needs you. But my question is why you aren't thinking in terms of protecting your child. Is it too early for you to be thinking in terms of this question? Please think about it. Obviously, you don't have the legal right to protect your child, but you do have an influence on her and her decision. Try to be there for her. She may be feeling abandoned; if you are being neutral about her decision, there is a good chance she feels this way. Some women, but not all, want the father to try to protect her and her baby, to show an interest and caring. Being neutral feels like abandonment.
She should at least become aware of the alternatives. If she doesn't want her child, she can choose adoption. It is MUCH safer for her. If she tells you that she could never give up her baby for adoption, what she's telling you is that her not wanting her baby is a TEMPORARY problem, and she's looking for a permanent solution. Abortion is forever. I have worked with countless women who wish they could take it back.
To find an agency where you can learn about the help available to her, you can visit this web site to find an agency in New York City which will help her: http://www.pregnancycenters.org/ She needs to hear both sides. She won't hear about the help available to her from the abortionists, because they sell abortions. But this set of agencies in New York City will offer her counseling, emotional and financial support, supplies for her child, free or low cost medical care, and so forth. You both owe it to her future to see what they have to say. They will be there for her when you cannot be.
Please keep in touch and let me know how things go. If you need to talk about your own feelings, I will be here for you. Keep her safe!
