QuestionQUESTION: Hiya iv recently found out i am pregnant and I'm only 16. I cant tell my mother because she would probably kick me out because she is a very strict woman. And the father of the child is a lot older than me and in a serious relationship with another girl. I was wondering if the abortion pill is available in Spain?
ANSWER: Hi, Gemma,
You are from Ireland and you want to know if the abortion pill is available in Spain? OooooooKay!
You actually don't know what your mother would do. She may be very strict, but she is also your mother, and she loves you.
If you didn't have a place to live, I can see how that would worry you. But there are agencies in Ireland that can help with such problems. Go here:
http://www.heartbeatinternational.org/worldwide_directory.asp
Look under "Ireland". There are a bunch of them. Go talk to one, and see how they can be of help.
Your government is one of the few in the world that cares enough about women to protect you from this kind of medical atrocity.
I'm guessing that the father could be charged with statutory rape. Is that the case? Would he get into trouble? If he is in a serious relationship with another girl, there's nothing there for you. Women do bond with people they have sex with, so I am sure there are emotional concerns on your part. But he owes it to you to protect you, and instead, he put you at risk. He really complicated your life, so he could have a little pleasure at your expense. If you were looking for love because your mother is so strict, that's understandable, but this didn't really work out for you. You looked in the wrong places.
There are people out there who care about you. I mentioned these agencies, and there are people there who are prepared to love you and take care of you. That's why they're there. And I am here, and I love you.
I have been in the position your mother is in. We have a grandbaby who was born out of wedlock. He's no different from any of our other seven grandchildren. I don't see any difference. I love them all from the bottom of my heart. Now I may be a bit different in outlook from your mother, because I explicitly told them that if any of them ever got involved in abortion, I'd disown them. And they knew I meant it. That doesn't mean there aren't any problems when a child doesn't have married parents. Your mother has a right to be upset, but in my experience and that of a good many other people, most parents will love their grandchild.
Let's talk about the pill a bit. It's dangerous. You would be putting your life at risk. It's not worth it. They give you some pills and send you away, and you are on your own. If you develop a complication, they just shrug their shoulders. Oh well! So then they give you some more pills. These pills are being given off label. That means the manufacturer says they are not to be given to a pregnant woman. Full stop. They can kill a woman in hours. Anybody would give those pills to a pregnant woman is committing malpractice. Don't put your life in such a person's hands! For one thing, they can cause contractions of the uterus so severe they can rupture the uterus. That's life-threatening. And there is no way to control this. Also, if they are given vaginally, they can cause toxic shock syndrome, and that will kill a woman within hours, long before people in the emergency room know what's wrong. And on top of that, if a woman survives this risk, there is frequently a problem with excessive prolonged bleeding, sometimes for weeks. This is also a serious threat to life and health. What if your mother found out you had been pregnant and had an abortion? If you develop a complication, that could happen. Then what? And we don't even know at this point what the long term consequences are for women as a whole from this treatment. And it's all done on perfectly healthy women who have NO medical condition to balance out the risks. There is more than one reason why abortion is medically unethical. And on top of that, how will you know that any pills you get in Spain are what they claim to be, or that you will be given the kind of instructions and care that you would have to have? Will anybody take a medical history? Will they know whether or not you would be especially at risk, compared to most women?
And there are also the emotional repercussions. A woman has a heightened risk of dying a violent death in the year following an abortion. It is 3 1/2 times as likely she will commit suicide. She could also abuse drugs or alcohol, engage in cutting and other self-abuse, become promiscuous, develop anorexia or bulimia, or die in an accident. Murder is also a possibility. This heightened risk lasts for eight years. And if you have emotional repercussions, what will your mother think? Will she find out you had an abortion, or will she just wonder what in the world happened to you?
Don't even think about any other kind of abortion. It's equally dangerous. It can kill a woman at the time, or cause such severe damage that she can be paralyzed or unable to communicate for life. It can destroy her reproductive system so she can never have a normal pregnancy in the future. It can cause breast cancer. So can a medical abortion. A surgical abortion can cause a future child to develop cerebral palsy, or other damage to the nervous system. It can also cause tubal pregnancy in a future pregnancy, which is a death sentence for the baby and a threat to the life of the mother, requiring emergency surgery. It can cause complications in childbirth in the future. There are so many things that can go wrong. People have written entire books about this.
You don't realize it, but you are already bonded to your baby. Most likely, your baby already has a heartbeat, brain waves, eyes, and fingers. And your baby is depending on you for your protection. Our bodies were made to protect our children. The only way an abortion can be done, by ANY method, is to cause medical harm to us. It's not worth it.
You're asking me to help you hurt yourself, and I won't do that.
You deserve better than to put yourself at risk like this. Please don't do this to yourself. Stay safe!
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thanks for the advice. I reconsidered and i am not having an abortion. I still haven't told my mother yet but the time will soon come. The father of the child has recently separated from his partner and he told me he will stand by me. Whatever gets thrown at him he said he'll be there. Thank you again i needed some advice and you gave me some that was brilliant.
AnswerHi, Gemma,
Wow! That's heady praise indeed! Thank you so much, and I'm happy for you! Congratulations! A baby is the most precious gift God can give you. You know they say that God can make good come out of every situation, and you are seeing this for yourself. You will be fine. Trust in God. Your mother may be difficult for awhile, but it is very unlikely she won't support you in the end, and I pray that the father will continue to stand by your side and support you. Perhaps your mother will learn a little bit to lighten up, because her love for you is the most important thing. I know mothers who are strict wants what's best for their children. But we all have to learn how to be mothers, and there is at least one "experimental model" in every family. I had several, actually. :) Usually, they become pretty nice by the time they reach 30, but I have one over 30 who is being difficult at the moment. I just give the person their space, and sooner or later, they calm down, and come back and are willing to have a decent relationship again. So don't be surprised if your mother is difficult for awhile. Just hang in there and take one day at a time. You are a lot stronger than you think. I'll be here any time you need to talk.
Take very good care, and let me hear how you are doing from time to time.
