QuestionQUESTION: Hi there,
First of all.. I am a 20 year old, almost 21 year old female. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years; however, because we did not want to risk pregnancy we chose to "not" have it. Not meaning, rarely.. maybe 10 times in those years. The first week of January we were fooling around and I think I may have become pregnant. I had just ended my period the day before, so in saying this I should be due for my period in another week. Today, I went to the bathroom and noticed almost a blood clot. I have done my research and know that this means either implantation bleeding or miscarriage bleeding. Although I would not consider abortion, I am okay with having a miscarriage only a couple of days into being pregnant. (I am sorry this is just my belief). The reason I think it may be a miscarriage is that I drank last night.. about 6 shots. I am so sorry if this is hard to understand. I need someone to talk to .. could this be a miscarriage? I cannot be pregnant; I know I am almost of age but I can't. My boyfriend and I currently live with my parents while attending University. I have no job and my parents still think I am a virgin. Please help me..
Nicole
ANSWER: Hi, Nicole,
I assume you meant that you weren't having sex. That's the best way to avoid pregnancy.
I understand that you are OK with having an early miscarriage. It's not anything you can do anything about, either.
As for whether it is a miscarriage or not, I can't say. Perhaps if you have some hormone tests, a doctor may be able to tell you. But nobody can diagnose pregnancy and miscarriage over the internet.
According to the reading I have done, implantation bleeding won't look like a clot. On the other hand, the baby would be too small for you to see much if it is a miscarriage.
That's about all I can tell you. But if you get some hormone readings, your doctor may be able to tell you more.
As for whether you can be pregnant or not, you certainly can. The question is whether it would be good for you that your parents found out you are not a virgin. I'm sure it wouldn't. But on the other hand, there might be a temptation to get an abortion, even though you say you wouldn't consider it. Let's look at the situation. Either you are pregnant or you are not. So at this point, there's nothing anybody can say or do to change what actually is.
You said you had sex the day after your period ended, and you're expecting your period in another week. If you tend to have normal length cycles, there's a good chance you weren't fertile then. Normally, ovulation occurs about 14 days before the onset of the next period. While women can be fertile the day after the period ends, it's not common.
You should learn to tell when you are fertile. You have to chart faithfully, and you can't be using hormones. To find out more, go here:
http://www.fertilityuk.org/
If for some reason it turns out you ARE pregnant, please don't consider abortion. It's a bad idea to have an abortion to try to conceal pregnancy, because there is too much of a chance something will go terribly wrong, and the people you don't want to know about it will find out anyway. If you do, your parents would have to pay for your medical care (or your funeral). That's not fair to them. This would be their grandchild, and even though they might react poorly at first (and a lot do, and it's understandable), in the long run, most parents accept and love their grandchildren. Hey, I have two grandchildren who were conceived out of wedlock, and I love them just as much as the other nine. I am grateful to their mothers for taking care of them and protecting them.
If you are pregnant and need help, you can find an organization near you that will help you with whatever problems you face, including telling your parents. To find one near you, go here:
http://heartbeatservices.org/index.php/connections/worldwide-directory
There are quite a few in Canada.
Good luck, and please take care of yourself and stay safe. Feel free to write back any time, and let me know how things go.
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QUESTION: Hi,
Thank-you so much for replying. First of all, I would never consider abortion. I am not an overly religious person but I do believe I should not be able to control some one else's life. I know that if I did become pregnant, it would all be okay in the end. As said, I am 21 years old and have been in a committed relationship for almost 3 years. I am in University and studying to become a teacher; I know I have a good head on my shoulders. I am also sure that my family would eventually accept it. My mother is a maternity room nurse and would probably be the best mother to have while being pregnant. It is just the idea of it so soon -- it would complicate everything. I am happy to note though, that I think I just got my period a week early. This may be due to the stress I have been under this week
AnswerHi, Nicole,
You're welcome. It sounds like you do have a good head on your shoulders. There are plenty of occasions when pregnancy does complicate things. But life is full of such challenges. What's important is what you do about it. So if you got your period early, then everything is OK, and I am happy for you. Since you had a scare, I imagine you will be more careful in the future. Your practice of not having sex is the best way to go. Stress can do a lot to a woman's cycle.
Feel free to write back any time. Take care.
