Questionhi
I am 37 years old and 12 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday that the child had downs syndrome with a faulty heart.
My world collapsed.
My husband and I tried for a long time to have a child and found out I had hormonal disorder. It took time to "fix" it but I got pregnant straight away.
I was looking forward to have a child and had big hopes. Now, I am so upset.
I had long discussions with my husband and we decided to terminate as I had a cousin with 15 yo boy with down syndrome, a child that despite all early intervention, still can't speak properly, can't think, spend half of life in hospitals, is confused as he does not understand the world around him.He is also bullied by other kids, and totally unaware of danger and can't even cross the road.
My cousin told me many times, she wishes other him or her is dead so they don't suffer. she told me many women don't approve termination but she found out that 95% of women do it once they find it is downs.
We decided to terminate the pregnancy to a life that now I believe will not have a life at all as my cousins' son.
I also lost all feelings for my baby now, I really don;t want it, not really because it will be handicapped but to stop our life becoming miserable including the child.
I am catholic and go to the church and always believed that abortion is a sin but I see it from different perspective now.
I also suffer from bi polar mental disorder and my psychiatrist told me not to go ahead as I will not be able to mentally handle it and will not be able to care for the child. She knows me well as I visit her every month fro 15 years.
Also, my doctor who has done the tests, asked me what I will do. When I told her I wanted to terminate, she also told me it is the best decision for me and she will do it asap.
I am so upset that I worry it will trigger another mental outburst.
I would like some advise ho to deal with this unexpected situation.
I know that is it my husband's and my decision only but I would like to know if you believe it is ethical to abort downs syndrome babies
also, I believe if I try to move on with my life and try to get pregnant again very soon I will be better
How long I have to wait after the abortion to start again?
thanks a lot
Val
AnswerG'day, Val,
You have NO IDEA how glad I am you wrote to me! I have a nephew with Down Syndrome. He is currently 21.
The first thing I need to explain is what early intervention really means in terms of what they actually teach. When they do these programs, they do NOT teach any mental development as a general rule. All they teach is physical skills. This makes a world of difference. The reason why many children with Down Syndrome don't learn well is that we don't provide the right environment for them. They require a little more specialized environment. I once observed a child with Down Syndrome in a Montessori classroom. That is one of the best places to educate a child with DS. You couldn't tell he was any different from the other children. He was occupied, and he was learning, on his own. The major problem most children with DS have is that they're not curious. This was quite a surprise to me. When a child isn't curious, he won't try to learn about the world. Lack of response to his mother will prevent the feedback loop that causes the child to learn. DS children are very, very laid back. It even shows in their muscles, because they're flaccid.
However, this does NOT mean they cannot be excellent! Far from it. If they get the right kind of early intervention, they do splendidly. My nephew had the language development of a five year old when he was 3 1/2. I have a video of him having a philosophical discussion with his brother at that age. The therapists thought he had "echolalia". That means he talked like a parrot. No way! Last time I visited him, he was interested in learning foreign languages. He wants to learn Spanish, and his mother wants him to learn German, so I worked on both languages. By the time I left two weeks later, he was starting to speak phrases to me in German. He also has learned some sign language. One day, we went to the Chinese restaurant. He likes to thank the waiters in their own language, so he thanked this one in German, and I told him he has to thank him in Chinese. I reminded him of how to say it, and he did, and the waiter started to speak to him in Chinese, much to my delight! Why did he do so well in languages? Intense environment. He was with people who talked to him constantly, and he watched a lot of TV. And he had speech therapy. Why didn't he excel at other academic pursuits? Lack of instruction! You have to teach them to want to learn, and it's easily broken down, and I saw them do it to him, and my sister wouldn't do anything about it. He was very eager to learn until they did that. Since I homeschooled my children, I can tell you EXACTLY how to keep the child intense about learning.
Heart defects can be corrected fairly easily. My nephew had one, and they fixed it soon after he was born, and he's fine. And no, nobody bullies him. Everyone loves him intensely! And children with Down Syndrome ENJOY life immensely. Don't think there is no life for them. They love their life!
Think also of Chris Burke, the actor who portrayed a person with DS in an American TV series called Life Goes On. He is very, very bright, and interesting to talk to. You can find out more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Burke_(actor)
I could write a book, but probably we can exchange messages for awhile and I can write more.
One thing that people don't realize is just what a blessing children with DS truly are. They love unconditionally. If there were such a thing as a "love IQ", theirs would be in genius level. My sister's family needed for him to be a member of their family, because there was a lot of discord. He healed all that.
Yes, they do think differently, and yes, they may not hold your ordinary job. But my nephew is interested in horticulture, and I think he would do very well working in a nursery. Because the school system failed him, he won't do as well as he should have, but he is definitely intelligent, and I love spending time with him. We played Uno together. So that he could plan strategies, the game has been modified by laying everyone's cards out on the table so he can see them. He beats me sometimes! When I was dealing the cards, I would ask him what language he wanted me to count in, and whatever language he told me, that's what I counted in.
Since you are struggling with emotional issues, I need to tell you that if you have an abortion, it will GREATLY AGGRAVATE your emotional problems. A woman who has an abortion is SIX TIMES as likely to commit suicide afterward as a woman who carries to term. She is 3 1/2 times as likely to die a violent death in the year following. Other possible emotional problems include eating and sleep disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, inability to sleep, nightmares, and others. I have experienced those nightmares. Believe me, you do NOT want to go there! I wouldn't wish that off on my worst enemy! A woman can also turn to self abuse, or abuse drugs or alcohol.
I can help you find some natural remedies that will help you with your issues. To begin with, try taking phosphatidyl choline. They usually prepare this in sizes of roughly a gram. It is a very powerful remedy. Also, if you eat food with monosodium glutimate, stop. Order some Detox by Solaray (you should be able to get it over the internet). Take 10 capsules in a dose, and take a few doses. If you start to feel a problem, take evening primrose oil or borage oil. MSG can damage the adrenal glands so they don't make enough gamma linolenic acid. I experienced panic attacks. But if I took a pearl of evening primrose oil, in the length of time it took to dissolve, I would be fine. I can do some research for other remedies as well.
Also don't think you can escape a serious birth defect by having an abortion. You would require a surgical abortion. When they force open the cervix, they damage it. There will be many tiny tears. This means that the cervix will be weak. Your chance of having a miscarriage or a very early birth will skyrocket. A very early birth can cause cerebral palsy, epilepsy, autism, mental retardation, blindness, and deafness. How would you feel if you threw this baby away and got one with cerebral palsy instead? Not much of a trade as far as I am concerned.
Since you are Catholic, I will tell you that your baby is made in God's image. God INTENDED this baby to be born and to live the life he has been given. You KNOW that having an abortion is a mortal sin. There are far too many women who feel totally alienated from God, and from themselves, because they had an abortion. I was just talking to a woman a couple of days ago, and she had an abortion five years ago, and she is now heartbroken. I hope I was able to help her. If you really can't handle a child with Down Syndrome, you can place him or her for adoption. There is actually a WAITING LIST of people who want to adopt babies with DS, in the United States. I don't know about Oz, but it wouldn't surprise me. And yes, it is HIGHLY unethical to take the life of a baby with DS. God specifically told us, THOU SHALT NOT KILL.
Here are some links to information I want you to read. About the one on the Brazilian site, I need to tell you a story of how this got started. Glenn Doman runs the Institutes for the Achievement of Human Potential. He teaches parents how to raise highly intelligent children. I don't agree with all his methods, but it's obvious that they produce some very fine results in some areas. Dr. Raymundo Veras of Brazil was affiliated with him, and as a pediatrician, he had parents beg him to develop a program for them. So he did. Doman didn't think they could be helped, but he said if Dr. Veras could show him one child, it would prove he was wrong. Dr. Veras did. He had a child who was about 4 or so, and she could read in four languages and play the violin. She OBVIOUSLY had Down Syndrome. Some DS children are more difficult to educate than others, but I do NOT believe that having DS is a sentence to serious mental retardation or mediocrity! No way! And Glenn Doman was convinced.
http://www.veras.org.br/
Then read this little story. I understand that the mother who wrote it had a child with DS.
http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html
Finally, look at this web site:
http://www.michaelfund.org/
They are working on a cure for DS (which is to say, a way to help them achieve a more normal life). They have information on nutritional supplements that help significantly. If you want more information, you can probably email them.
PLEASE don't do it! If I were younger, I'd take your child MYSELF. Seriously. I was so jealous of my sister that SHE got the baby with DS. I tried my darndest to get her to let him visit me for awhile, but she wouldn't let go of him! But I am 66 years old, so it would really be difficult at this point. Please keep in touch. I'll encourage you and stand by you. But this baby is a priceless treasure. He is a GIFT from GOD. I sure wouldn't want to throw away God's gift! Take care of yourself and him. Take it easy, and work through it, with prayer. It's a shock to learn that your baby has a problem. But you can learn to appreciate it. Just give yourself some time. You will be fine, IF you protect him. He is depending on you for your protection.
Then once he is born, if you want to try again, you can. And you will not have damaged your body, so your chance of having a healthy child will be much greater. Please protect this priceless child, and send me a picture when he's born.
Oh, one other thing. There is one woman who has gotten into politics in the United States. She is probably the one person I admire more than anyone else I have ever known or known about. She is awesome! Her name is Sarah Palin. You should read about her. She has a son who has Down Syndrome. She shares my view about what a blessing these children are, and sure, she was also shocked when she learned, and after getting past the initial temptation to do away with him, she welcomed him with her whole heart.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Palin
You may or may not agree with her politically, but she has done MORE with her life than you can possibly imagine. This article doesn't really talk about her son Trig, but he's a couple of years old now. "Trig" means "true" in a couple of Scandinavian languages. I think it also doesn't tell much about her other accomplishments, but this is a woman who can kill, skin, butcher, and cook her own moose. She is a fisherman and a sportswoman. She has so many survival skills it's not funny! She is the quintessential pro-life feminist, and I am VERY proud of her. She is considering running for President in 2012, and she would be my FIRST choice.
Here are some more articles and stuff:
http://celebritybabies.people.com/2008/04/22/alaskan-governo/
http://barbaricthoughts.blogspot.com/2010/05/frontier-feminism.html
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Palin/sarah-palin-trig-raising-syndrome-son-exclusive...
Please keep in touch.
