QuestionI have read all the answers you have given previously on this thread and I respect your sound advice along with your spiritual views as well.
I just found out I am pregnant, 3 weeks today to be exact. For many reasons (over 38, other kids, place in life...)
I have decided pregnancy is not the best option for me now. However, I am struggling with the thought of abortion.
I saw that the fetus does not feel until approx week 4.
If I have the abortion in the next 3-4 days is this still considered hurting the child?
I know most people feel abortion is wrong at anytime, but I simply cannot have this baby.
Is there a window when it simply is still a zygote and cannot feel anything therefore isn't as "merciless" as waiting until later?
AnswerHi, Michele,
Thank you for your kind words.
When you say you are three weeks, do you mean from your last menstrual period, or gestational age? I would guess the latter, because three weeks LMP would put you before your expected period. I will be talking in terms of gestational age.
Let's talk a bit about terminology. A zygote is the earliest stage of development, and only lasts for a few days. So you don't have a zygote anymore. A fetus is after eight weeks, because that is when the baby has all his or her organs. Nobody knows whether a child can feel pain at 3 weeks. What I have learned from my own research is that the first organ that forms in the new little one is the primitive streak. This is the early spinal cord. It is the beginning of the neural network. The neural network has to form first, because it causes the cells to differentiate for different organs, and determines the shape of the organ. By four weeks, the baby already has a heartbeat, liver, eyes, and fingers, as well as other body parts. So somewhere around three weeks, there is a lot of development already. Once there is a neural network, there will be both motor nerves and sensory nerves. We cannot detect brain waves or a heartbeat before 28 days GA (because the baby is small and inaccessible), but that doesn't mean they don't exist. For one thing, the existence of the heartbeat means that the brain is functioning. This is because the cells of the heart normally beat independently of each other. When this happens, it would be fibrillation. For them to beat together, an impulse from the brain is needed. But please keep in mind that no matter what I tell you about the baby's development, you still must deal with your own heart. You have other children, so you know what motherhood is all about. One of the greatest dangers of abortion is the emotional damage it will leave, and how this will affect your ability to be a good mother to your other children. Also, they will probably sense that there is something wrong. If they find out about it, they will develop insecurity or suffer from survival guilt. If you have a complication, they will probably find out.
Your baby has a life to look forward to. While it could be said that you might be lucky and not cause any pain, I wouldn't consider taking away this life "merciful".
Let's talk a little about methods of abortion at this stage. The only method I really know is used is medical abortion. There are several things to keep in mind about medical abortion. The first is that the drugs used are powerful. They will cause disruption of your hormones. You may suffer a complication during the time that you cannot handle on your own, and yet, you will BE on your own. The second drug used, Cytotec, is used off label. This means that the manufacturer has decided that it is not safe to use during pregnancy, and it doesn't want the legal liability if anything goes wrong. Some abortionists instruct the mother to use it vaginally. This is VERY dangerous. It can cause toxic shock syndrome and death within hours. All I can say is that if abortionists are willing to overlook this problem, some of them obviously can't be trusted. How do you know you can find a good one? They're already breaking their medical oath. From my own knowledge of people I know personally, the one I know who had a medical abortion got so sick her six year old had to take care of her. It was rough on her.
What do I personally think about abortion? I would permit it legally to save a mother's life, but I want the doctor to try to save both lives. If it is a tubal pregnancy and survival for the baby isn't possible, but the baby is still alive, he should life the baby out intact and put him or her in a warm bath and let nature take its course. In all other circumstances, the medical risks from leaving things alone are quite a bit less than the medical risks of doing an abortion, always. There are virtually no circumstances where the medical risks of carrying to term are greater than an abortion, even an early one.
By the way, my sister was about your age when she had her last baby. I was only a couple of years younger when I had mine. That also informs my perspective.
I've seen too many women get seriously hurt from abortion. I don't want that for you. Have you considered having your baby and giving him or her up for adoption?
All of that said, please tell me why you feel you can't have this baby. What are your difficulties and worries? Perhaps we can help deal with those. Please remember: you just found out you are pregnant. You are in a negative state of mind, perhaps even a panic. People don't make good decisions when they are in a panic. I want to urge you to follow your heart, and make a decision you can live with. Abortion is forever, and you can't take it back. And you are the only one who can protect your baby. I will take your concerns seriously, and we can talk about them, and help you find a place where you are at peace with your decision, whatever it is. Please take care of yourself and stay safe. Your children need you.
I hope this helps.
