QuestionHello,
I recently found out i was pregnant. I am 3 week by calculations. It wasn't a one night stand, it was the beginning off a relationship. And unfortunately, that relationship didn't work out. I hate the fact I am even thinking about abortion, as it was something I thought I was so against, until I became in this position. As I'm only 3 weeks I know it's not yet a "baby". I would be the best mother I could, and do everything I could. But I always imagined I would be in a stable relationship etc, Im only 18 years old.
Is abortion the best option, do you think?
AnswerHello, dari,
First I would like to correct some misinformation you have been given. A person's life begins at fertilization. There are no changes other than size or degree of development beyond that point. So yes, at 3 weeks, he or she is a "baby". More accurately, he or she is a human being. The word "baby" is like a lot of other such words. It simply means a stage in development. There is no sudden qualitative change beyond fertilization. The first changes in appearance involve the body looking like an elongated shape, where the head can already be told from the other end of the body, and this new body has a line down the back. The line is called the "primitive streak". This is actually the spinal cord. From this point, nerves branch out. These nerves determine what each cell will become: part of what organ. Some nerves will take on the shape of the heart, and the heart tissue will form around these nerves. By 3 weeks, there is already a heartbeat. It can be detected on the 21st day. In order for there to be a heartbeat, there has to be a formed heart, although at this point, it only has two chambers. The nervous system is in operation from the time it is formed. By the end of the week, your baby will have fingers, eyes, and detectable brain waves. The baby will be capable of swimming around in the amniotic sac, using a natural swimmer's stroke, and the arms that are plainly visible. But the fact that the nervous system is working means that there are already electrical impulses traveling along it. The brain is the FIRST organ to form. That is why the head is larger. Let me explain that in order for there to be a heartbeat, there HAS to be brain waves, even though we can't detect them yet. Here's why. There needs to be an electric pulse that keeps the individual cells of the heart in sync with each other. Otherwise, the heart would fibrillate. These cells naturally "beat" on their own, but unless this pulse exists, they will not beat together in unison. The impulse that coordinates this comes from the brain through the vagus nerve, which runs down the neck.
From the time of fertilization, there is hormonal communication between mother and baby. Every time the baby touches the Fallopian tube, these hormonal messages are exchanged. It is these messages that stop a woman's menstrual period. This also results in bonding between mother and baby, even though the mother may not consciously realize it yet. Once the baby implants, he or she will begin to send stem cells into the mother's blood stream. These cells move throughout her body and stay in different parts of her body. Those which stay next to her breasts will help protect her from breast cancer. Those which stay in her brain will form a further bond between mother and baby. You are already bonded to your baby, even though you are not consciously aware of it. But on some level, you DO know it. I can tell you from personal experience that this is a fact. I was always aware that I was pregnant in the first hours after conception. Some women are aware, though most don't know what to look for. Implantation takes place no later than 14 days after fertilization.
You will find these things out eventually; it is important for you to find this out now while you still have a choice.
People who support abortion often lie about the degree of development of the baby because they want to make money off women's bodies or they want to stop population growth. They do not have the best interests of women at heart, because for a woman, an abortion is extremely harmful and even devastating.
You also would be unlikely to be able to accomplish an abortion at this point, and by the time you did, this development would be readily visible to the naked eye, if you could see your baby.
The truth is, you are almost certainly still against abortion. Right now, you are feeling panic, and people rarely make good decisions while in a panic. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. If you were to have an abortion, you would look back on it, and you would regret it. Unfortunately, that regret can rise to the level of committing suicide in some women. You are not a good candidate for abortion. Abortion would ultimately prove to be the WORST choice for you.
The other problem is that abortion is medically dangerous. A woman's body was designed to protect her baby. NO woman escapes the medical consequences of abortion, although some women don't experience the consequences at first.
There are two kinds of abortion: pill and surgical. A pill abortion changes a woman's hormones with the intent of cutting off nutrition and oxygen to the baby. This hormonal change can wreak havoc with a woman's body. Some women bleed to death. Other women experience contractions (labor) so strong it ruptures the uterus. Still others can get toxic shock syndrome. This is caused by Clostridium sordellii, a bacterium which normally does no significant harm. Some women have it, and some don't. But in the case of abortion, the woman's body does not fight back. She doesn't develop a fever, and her body doesn't do anything else to protect her. This galloping infection can kill a woman within hours. If the woman survives all this, she will be much more prone to get breast cancer while she is still young. This form of breast cancer kills 1/4 of its victims. And a pill abortion doesn't always work, and can lead to serious birth defects. I have gotten many messages that beg me to help a woman save her child after starting a pill abortion because she changed her mind. Women who have pill abortions must go through labor, on their own, and if there is a medical complication, they're on their own.
Surgical abortions are rarely done before 6 to 8 weeks because of the possibility of missing the baby. By 8 weeks, the baby's body is completely formed. In order to do a surgical abortion, the abortionist must force open the cervix. The cervix is tightly closed. This force causes many tiny tears in the cervix, which weakens it. In a future pregnancy, both miscarriage and very premature birth are 400% more likely than they were before. Very premature birth can cause serious birth defects, such as mental retardation, cerebral palsy, autism, epilepsy, blindness, or deafness. Surgical abortions also leave scars. This is because the abortionist must use a sharp knife to cut away the placenta, and scrape the surface of the uterus. These scars can prevent a future baby from being able to implant in a good place, and can result in placenta previa, when the placenta is too close to the cervix. This can make a Caesarian section necessary to prevent both mother and child from dying from hemorrhage when labor rips the placenta loose. The damage to the cervix I mentioned can also cause prolonged labor, which may also make a Caesarian necessary. Caesarian is the leading cause of death in women giving birth, and it isn't good for the baby, either. The baby needs the stimulation of birth. Scarring can also lead to tubal pregnancy. Tubal pregnancy is a medical emergency, which makes surgery necessary. The baby cannot live. The mother's life is in danger. This happens because the Fallopian tube opening is partly closed, and the sperm can get through, but the ovum can't. There is also the possibility a woman can be killed outright from a surgical abortion, she can hemorrhage (which may mean they'll have to do a hysterectomy to save her life, so she won't be able to have children in the future), develop paralysis or inability to speak, suffer major damage to other organs, get a sexually transmitted disease (because abortionists rarely sterilize instruments properly), including HIV, or, as I mentioned, she can commit suicide. A woman is six times more likely to die a violent death in the year after an abortion than a woman who carries to term. She can also die of accident, homicide, and drug and alcohol abuse. She can become promiscuous, anorexic, bulimic, or engage in self-abuse such as cutting. And there is also the risk of breast cancer, as already mentioned. And by the way, if a woman has breast cancer in her close relatives, and aborts her first pregnancy, getting breast cancer is a virtual certainty.
On this site, scroll down the answers to the questions on abortion until you find one from a woman that tells that her niece had an abortion and it caused serious complications. The title of the message will identify it clearly. This woman who had the abortion is still suffering; she's not medically out of the woods yet, and her body will be forever changed for the worse.
Do you really want to take this kind of medical risk? They won't tell you about all of this, because they want your money. Abortion is medically unethical. Any doctor who would do one for the reason you have given is no longer a doctor and cannot be trusted. He has repudiated medical ethics.
The situation right now seems very difficult to you. You feel that having a child will end your life AS YOU KNOW IT. However, there are better answers. You deserve better. Adoption is always a choice. It's a difficult choice, but women who have experienced both say that adoption is so much better. You can have an open adoption where you can be kept informed of your child's progress. In some cases, you can even see your child. It's up to you. And you can raise your child yourself, even though this doesn't seem possible to you right now. There are organizations in UK that are ready to help you with counseling, medical and financial help, clothing, furniture and supplies for a baby, and help with adoption. You owe it to yourself to hear what they have to say. You can find an organization near you by going to this web site:
http://heartbeatservices.org/index.php/connections/worldwide-directory
18 is not too young to raise a child. In many cultures, women are having children at 13 or 14 and raising them. The only reason we don't is because we prolong education so that a woman doesn't feel ready.
If you truly wanted an abortion, you would have just gone and had one. You aren't comfortable or certain about this. Once a woman has an abortion, she no longer has any choices. I have lost count of the number of women who have told me, "Not a day goes by that I don't think of my baby." They may be able to remove your baby from your body through an act of violence, but they cannot remove your baby from your heart. If a woman is not absolutely certain she wants an abortion, she shouldn't have one. Give yourself a chance. You deserve better.
Your baby is depending on you for your protection. He or she doesn't deserve to be punished for the fact that your relationship didn't work out. I will be here for you any time you need to talk. Please keep in touch and let me know how you do, and if you have other needs that should be met. Stay safe!
